When life happens and you don’t know if you are coming or going – when the paverbial knife punctures your heart over and over, you begin to read every self-help book, you search the internet, and you even read the Bible; hoping to find the answer to why you’re climbing that damn mountain again.
Over the past 8 months, I think I have read every one of them. I am sure I could teach a class on setting boundaries, Co-Dependancy, and finding yourself. The only book though that has led me on my new journey with confidence and hope is the Holy Bible. I know God thought I needed to hone my hiking skills so he put me back on that mountain to teach me something that I was too stubborn to see. I’ve been on the mountain for quite a while now. I know I am but a branch on his vine and I am nourished daily by his words.
He’s been preparing me for today. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I was almost to the top and I had to be strong.
I didn’t get to say goodbye to the man I have loved unconditionally and whole heartedly for the past 6 years today. He quietly slithered out with all of his belongings. The keys no longer hang on the hook, his shoes no longer by the door, the closet is empty; not even a note, or a word of thanks.
Tears began to roll down my saddened face, when I remembered a night last week. He came into my room and slid into bed with me. He held me so tenderly and close. My heart was warmed and I felt safe in his arms. But I knew in my heart he was saying goodbye. I relished in the closeness and slept all night in his arms. God spoke to me then. I knew he was moving on.
I’ve walked through the fire, I’ve dodged the snakes, the pot holes I did fall into, but I got up and kept the pace. I’ve reached the top, so what’s the prize? The beginning of a brand new life.
The books are still on the shelf behind me, but the Bible always sits right next to me. I’m on solid ground and that is a great place to be:)
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward. in Christ Jesus” Philippians 3:14