As we slowly close out this year and gloriously begin a new one, we need to look at where we have been; the journey we have been on, and the places we want to go.
I began writing my blogs months ago; when the pain was so unbearable I could hardly get out of bed let alone breathe. I have taken you on my journey of healing my broken heart and moving forward with my life. It could be anyones journey, we all grieve the loss of the special people in our lives. It is a process as you have all seen by reading my blogs. I’ve recycled many times, taking a few steps forward to just back pedal again. But I got back on the horse and kept moving. This week has been hard for me and I’ve had to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I’ve gone hiking almost everyday. I’ve taken myself to the movies alone. I’m learning to be comfortable with just me.
For me, letting go of that person has been very difficult. We are connected in a way I cannot explain. As I continue to find items that belong to him, I gently pack them away. Pretty soon there won’t be anything left of him. I’m still not sure if I’m ready for that. But he’ll never be totally gone. I have my pictures, the cards he gave me, personal items from our travels; all stored in a hat box, that will go with me wherever I go. I have my memories. And I’ve thanked him for our time together, for his encouragement and believing in me. Yes, he hurt me, he shattered my heart. But the anger has dissipated and my growth has flourished. He is a good person, our season was just at the end.
Facing the truth about our situation or where we are at is sometimes the most difficult. We fear the emotion beneath the truth. So we keep busy so we don’t have to feel the things we are afraid to feel. Ignoring our feelings and emotions is keeping us from moving on. Let it out; cry. Talk to friends, write about it. All of these have helped me immensely. I talked to a friend, I wrote, and I even cried, all on this beautiful Thursday! And that’s okay!
We all heal in our own time. I can’t tell you how long it’s going to take. It’s been 10 months for me and I’m still in the process. Breathe, laugh, smile, a little more each day. Your life is worth living!
As you reflect on the events over the last year, remember, the storms you have encountered have only made you stronger. You are wiser, you are more alive. You’re brightest days are right out in front of you! Always remember that with God on your side, nothing can hold you back!
“I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that ‘s all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.”
Check out the song in the right margin by Sarah McClachlin. It spoke to me last night.