Now that I have pushed through most of the sh_ _, this past year has brought my way, I find myself with very few friends to hang with. For some of us, it may come to that. I lost some friends with the breakup but I have never been a person with a lot of friends; just a few close people in my life.
I have tried to break up my routine that I always had with my partner. This has helped a lot especially since I am the one still living in OUR home. I make my coffee at home instead of at school. I do my laundry at an odd time, I buy different foods, and I don’t watch shows we watched together. I know it may sound trivial, but it has made a difference. I did another huge purge and that was the garage. It is amazing how much one can accumulate in a 6 year relationship. I went through every box (not easy) and pulled out everything that belonged to him and put it in a separate box to return to this man. I now have nothing that belongs to him, except his cat. But I love him.
Challenging ourselves to move past those obstacles is difficult. I won’t say it wasn’t hard going through his things and finding all the love notes I had written him, the cards, the poems, and the pictures of us together. I cried some. But I feel so much better now that it’s done and he has it all. (You can do this)
So now I come back to the friends thing. Because we certainly didn’t make it through all of this without them:) My few good friends are not always available; they have lives too. I have pushed my comfort zone and gone out by myself and have enjoyed it. I go hiking by myself, to the movies, shopping and just walking around. I still haven’t managed going out to eat alone. I’ll get there though.
We have to put ourselves out there to meet new people and add to the friends we already have. I have contacted people I haven’t seen in a long time. I am reconnecting. I would love to share my life with someone, but I can’t do it just sitting around waiting for him to show up at my door:) Getting back in the saddle as they say comes with a little fear and anxiety. But if you keep doing it a little more each day, it isn’t so bad and you have become a strong person all on your own. And that’s when you can pat yourself on the back and be proud of YOU!
Today, God, help me challenge myself, erase my fears, and help me to know that I’m right where I need to be on my journey.