Back in the Saddle; or Not

One of the more difficult phases of healing is getting “back in the saddle” again.  I don’t know why I keep using that term but everywhere I go I keep hearing it.  Am I supposed to be getting a message here?  I rode horses for years, and I knew if you fell off that 4 legged beast you better get right back up or the horse would know you were afraid.

When it comes to relationships you need to give the saddle a little break.  It’s when you get right back up that things don’t work out.  Usually that person is a great distraction from what you have been dealing with, and they may be giving you all kinds of attention that you so desperately need right now, but It is only temporary.  We need to take time to heal from one before we move on to another.  It is hard.  I used to wish for a distraction.  Just put a man in my life for now so I can get over the old one.  But I knew that wasn’t the right way to go about it.  I needed to learn and go through the hurt and pain, so when the next lucky man entered my life, I would be healthy emotionally to accept him.

So… As I attempt to get “back in the saddle,” I am very disturbed at the scam artists that prey on women looking for a decent man.  I just left a man who for the last year lied and deceived me, that is not what I want now!  I do not want to put all men in that group, that would not be fair.  And maybe God is telling me, “Kim, you just are not ready yet, be patient, I have someone for you.”

Trusting a man right now is a big thing for me; as it is for some of you, I’m sure! I am being surrounded by people pretending to be who they are not.  I just want real, honest, genuine.  Is that so hard to find?

I still find myself comparing men to my Ex.  I went on a 9 mile hike in the Superstitions yesterday.  A difficult hike, but fun and adventurous.  I could see my ex enjoying this, as he isn’t with someone who would do something like this.  Here I am feeling bad for him, because he is missing out on what he and I used to do together.  I began talking to myself in my head asking, “Can I find a man who will do all of this with me?”  I still find it hard seeing myself doing all these things with someone else and not him.  So… maybe God is right, I need to give myself a little more time.  I know his plans are great for me.  I trust he has just the right person for me when he knows I am ready.

So for now, I will continue to write, put my book together, and be patient.  The saddle will just have to wait a little longer.  But I’ll keep polishing it now and then^_~.  (wink, wink)

Keep moving forward!

Kimberly Rae

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