As I sit here in my red flannel, snowflake pajamas, my thoughts are all over the place. So if my writing seems a little disconnected that might be why. I have feelings of helplessness for someone I still care about, maybe a little self-doubt creeping in, and a bit of loneliness trying to invade my thoughts.
I have laid my heart out for all to read these past 7 months. It takes courage to do that. I’m not a therapist, Doctor, or relationship guru; but I am real. My words have come from an open wound that has just begun to scar. A little self-pity oozed out today. I’m not proud of that, but we have days like that as we heal.
God speaks to us through books, people, even a line in a movie. We just need to listen. I have listened and he has opened my eyes. He shot me with a dose of humility. Something I must have lost in the past week. How many of us need that injection every now and then?
I found myself judging the woman he is with from the facts that were presented to me. (Hence, the guilt feelings) Some of you might say, “Well, you should hate her, look what she did to you.” but we all have good in us. I’m sure she does too. I don’t hate. It’s not my place to judge her or anyone. Hate is such a strong word and not a part of my vocabulary or who I am. I feel very unsettled with where he is at in his life. We have a bond/connection that is very strong between us. I don’t know if it will every go away. But it’s his life his journey. I have to trust that God will take care of him.
So why do I still care for him so much? Because the love I had for him was true and genuine. And that is hard to let go of. Through healing, your anger will subside. Mine has. I don’t want revenge; I just want good things for him. I need to keep moving forward and so do you:) I am very thankful for where I am today. We all have something to be thankful for even during the toughest of times. Look around you; open your eyes. Your life is waiting!
“The body may be sluggish, aged, cold. The embers left from earlier fires shall dully flame again.” ~Walt Whitman~