Well, I think the wound just broke open today. This is real life kids. Let me tell you. Where did this day come from? I have done fantastic! Why do I feel so lonely? I want the fantastic days back!!! HELP
I miss him. WHAT? Yes, I know. WHY? I have had this overwhelming feeling of “I want to be with him” all day long. I can’t see myself with anyone else but him. I have accepted that he is with another woman. Knowing what I know about her, I don’t understand. I’m sure she isn’t a bad person but what was wrong with me? Or what is wrong with me? I can’t even get an online date. What am I doing wrong? I just wish some brave man would tell me. I promise I wouldn’t bite their head off. The “B” word doesn’t fit my personality.
The self-esteem is in the toilet today. I am mad that my thoughts have slipped back into this victim role I have put myself in. I am not a victim. (I have to keep telling myself that or I will go nuts) Now I just have to believe it.
I’ve cried a lot today. And maybe it’s just those female hormones at work and playing tricks on my psyche. Oh wait, do I have any hormones left? The one that produces tears is in full swing. Is there a happy hormone? or is that just in a pill? No pills for me. I have to find the big H all by myself.
Okay, so I’m human. Today just showed me how human I am. We have little set backs now and then as we are healing. We have to deal with them and move on. So… I’m moving. Not very fast, but some days are just like that. And that has to be okay:)
God, help me to remember that I hold the key to my happiness. Give me the courage to deal with my own feelings and the insight to keep moving forward.
Tomorrow is a brand new day:)