“We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us, but understand that compassion often comes later, after we’ve removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.” ~ Melodie Beattie ~ from the Language of Letting Go.
This is an excerpt from melodies’ book. A book all should read who are having difficulty letting go of that relationship. This was the first book I bought a year ago. It has been a life saver. But I referred to it again the other day when my scar had ripped open. I opened the book and randomly turned to a page. The above paragraph is what shot out at me. This is so me. Not so much now as earlier. But I still find myself feeling sad for him and wanting to help him. (Oh that co-dependancy, will it ever go away?)
The question is, why do we still care for someone who hurt us so badly? Everyone’s situation is different. When you have been with the same person for a long time, you do know them pretty well; and they know you. So when we see who they are with, what they are doing we say to ourself, “He’s headed for a train wreck, he just can’t see it.” We/I want to step in. But we can’t. That is our co-dependant skills that we have so astutely acquired and used over the years at work. We have to let them make their own mistakes and grow from it.
I find I don’t miss all of him just certain parts. (I don’t mean certain appendages that only dress the male species Hee! Hee!) I miss how well he knows me. How he was just as passionate about my writing as I am. The deep conversations, that led to serious talks and then laughter. The book titles he still sends me because He knows they would interest me. That’s what I miss. As I go through the day I will see or read something and I will want to text him right away because I know He would like it; but I don’t. Those knee jerk reactions are still there. We have to let go or we will remain victims.
We can’t be upset that they marched right in to another relationship because they haven’t taken the time to do some inner healing. We are taking that time so when our Prince Charming comes along, we are healthy and ready to love again. Now attracting that Prince Charming, is a another blog entirely. Let’s keep focusing on our healing and be patient. Life is not a fairytale; even though we still dream of the handsome prince swooping us up and making everything okay! Yeah, I’ve got my princess dress hanging in the closet if that day should every come. LOL
We have to own our power. We will not be victims anymore. We have the power to be happy and to let go of what was. Be brave, be courageous. Your life is waiting!
Keep moving forward!