Which path do I take? That is the overwhelming question that has plagued me for the past few weeks. My passion for writing has been stifled by the drastic changes my life has taken over these past weeks. I feel lost and at times alone. I know God is there for me, but my earthly aloneness seems to be more powerful these days. And NO, this is not a pitty party. A few minutes of pitty is okay, but more than that, it will just consume you.
I had a business, I had a second career, I had a team to support me; now, It’s gone; all due to circumstances beyond my control. I have to believe this was God’s Will. I’m not sure why and I may never know. So the question that beckons me daily is, “do I continue with what we started, alone?” I think the bigger question is, “Can I do it by myself?” With a little help I probably could, but do I want to???
I am very passionate about what I do in the classroom. I feel it is best practice for students and my videos portray that. But when your own colleagues don’t support you, and talk about you behind your back, it is hard to maintain that level of confidence to keep going with your dream. There are so many scriptures in the bible that speak to this same situation, but I am still unsure if this is what God wants me to do.
The Government and society sees our education system as failing. Well, if we can’t work together as educators how can we expect to move mountains and compete with other countries? I’m trying to help educators move into the direction that we have to shift into. But most just shun my work and me because I represent change. How many hoops do I have to jump, to get their attention and to gain their respect for what I do? I guess at my age, I’m tired of playing games; why can’t we learn together and respect what each has to offer? Why does it have to be a competition? Life in its purest form doesn’t and shouldn’t work that way. If we expect our students to work together then we should as well.
Retirement looms in the background of my mind. I love the 30 smiling faces that greet me daily, but some of the staff that surrounds me can be mean and cruel. I look to God for strength and patience. I will wait for his plan to unfold. Only he knows when I will be ready.
Which path do I take? I’ll let you know when I begin the journey!
Keep moving forward,