The Why of it All

I am driving home from work, trying hard  not to  let the tears roll down my face.  I think a few slipped.  I feel the dampness on my neck.   WHY, WHY, WHY, God?  Why do I have to lose out? When he’s the one who hurt me and continued to do so inadvertently through the other woman.  Why do I have to  miss two of my friends retirement parties because he will be there?   I’ve known them longer than he.  Just because he works with them now, I have worked with them for many more years.  I want to share in this new beginning with them.  Sounds pretty 5th gradish doesn’t it?  I guess I’m just hurt.  And why?

As a christian, I know God took him out of my life for a reason.  And I understand that part.  I’m not saying it was easy at first, but it all makes perfect sense now.  I won’t play the victim card, because I don’t like it, but I look at all of this and I don’t understand why I have lost people in my life when I’m not the one who did anything wrong.  So backing down and not attending makes me the bigger person?  A person I consider a good friend (at least I hope he still is)  said to me, “Kim, life isn’t always fair and you just have to accept that.”  I know he’s right.  I know God doesn’t always show us the why.  I still feel cheated in a way.  It may become clear as time goes on.  As much as I think his life is great; it probably isn’t.  If I think about it, I really haven’t been cheated.  I’ve been given the gift of knowing who I am.  So… I may not have as many friends anymore, or that special someone  in my life, but I know, I have not lied, cheated, or hurt anyone for my gain.  I am a good person and God has my back:)

I have to let it go.  I will do something separately with these friends of mine and share with them that way.   I always feel better after I write.

It’s Good Friday.  Jesus died on the cross for my sins.   I have so much to be thankful for.

I took a stumble today, but I’m still climbing:)

Thanks for letting me vent:)

Keep hiking to the top!

Happy Easter!

Kimberly Rae

 

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