I am driving home from work, trying hard not to let the tears roll down my face. I think a few slipped. I feel the dampness on my neck. WHY, WHY, WHY, God? Why do I have to lose out? When he’s the one who hurt me and continued to do so inadvertently through the other woman. Why do I have to miss two of my friends retirement parties because he will be there? I’ve known them longer than he. Just because he works with them now, I have worked with them for many more years. I want to share in this new beginning with them. Sounds pretty 5th gradish doesn’t it? I guess I’m just hurt. And why?
As a christian, I know God took him out of my life for a reason. And I understand that part. I’m not saying it was easy at first, but it all makes perfect sense now. I won’t play the victim card, because I don’t like it, but I look at all of this and I don’t understand why I have lost people in my life when I’m not the one who did anything wrong. So backing down and not attending makes me the bigger person? A person I consider a good friend (at least I hope he still is) said to me, “Kim, life isn’t always fair and you just have to accept that.” I know he’s right. I know God doesn’t always show us the why. I still feel cheated in a way. It may become clear as time goes on. As much as I think his life is great; it probably isn’t. If I think about it, I really haven’t been cheated. I’ve been given the gift of knowing who I am. So… I may not have as many friends anymore, or that special someone in my life, but I know, I have not lied, cheated, or hurt anyone for my gain. I am a good person and God has my back:)
I have to let it go. I will do something separately with these friends of mine and share with them that way. I always feel better after I write.
It’s Good Friday. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I have so much to be thankful for.
I took a stumble today, but I’m still climbing:)
Thanks for letting me vent:)
Keep hiking to the top!