I just returned from my 4 mile run; music in my ears and at least 5-6 dances choreographed in my head during that time.  The curve ball came at me again today.  Not that I let it hit me.  It grazed me a bit, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, not literally of course:)

I have taught for almost 30 years and had planned on retiring after next year.  I have it all planned out, it’s in my head; I’m done.  I’ll miss the teaching part of it all, but not the politics that go with it.  Teaching has changed so much over the last 30 years.

Sadly my ex husband gets a portion of my retirement even though he only worked 2 years out of the 10 we were married.  I know, it’s usually the man who gets screwed, so they say.  If he truly deserved it, then I wouldn’t be so indifferent about it.  I worked hard for the money I put in there.  I got my masters as a single parent without any help from him and moved forward with my career just so he could get more money from me?  What’s wrong with this picture?   Well, I can’t live off of what would be left if he gets a percentage of my benefits every month.  So… I worked out a 2 year plan where I would give him a lump sum plus some interest and then I would be able to live off of my monthly benefits.  He agreed.  I was having paper work drawn up to put it all in writing, make it legal and then I was hit or grazed by his backing out of my proposal.    He actually used my daughter to convey his message to me.  What a coward.  Okay, a little cynical there, I know.  I’m trying to be nice here.

This means I cannot retire.  At first,  I cried.  I was mad, angry, and life isn’t fair and all of that.  But as I was running, I decided  I will go to him with another plan.  What I don’t understand is he is in bad health.  If I don’t retire then he doesn’t get any money until I do.  So why not take it now; in a lump sum while he has time to spend it? But all of his “buddies” are telling him that I’m screwing him.  REALLY??? Hmmmmmm.  He doesn’t work and is on disability.  So we are all paying for him one way or another.  His disability is due to his careless way of living.  He is the father of my children and I do not wish any harm on him.  I don’t want my children losing their father at such a young age. I have always treated him fair.  I’ve visited him on many of his hospital stays, I’ve taken care of his house; I’m just too nice.  I thought he would work with me. I guess I underestimated him.  He hasn’t really changed in 25 years.  I’m not giving up yet.

I have prayed about It.  And really, at this point it’s in God‘s hands.  It will work out the way God has it planned.  I don’t want to spend anymore negative energy on him or the situation.  So I will give it a few days and address it again.  God will help me say the right thing:)

So… as the song says, “I am Titanium, I am bullet Proof.”

I look out my office window and there is my bird.  Singing to me during a troubled moment.  The same bird that sang to me 2 years ago when that whopper of a curve ball hit me square between the eyes.  It seems to come around when things are a little rough.  It’s just about dark out.  Aren’t the birds supposed to be tucked inside their homes?  I’ve always imagined that maybe it’s my father or an angle watching over me.  But what ever he is, he followed me to my new apartment.  So sing away; I’m listening.

My faith in God will carry me through.  It always does!

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae