Letting Go

 

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I wait

I wonder

I keep silent

 

I understand

I’m sensitive

I feel the pain

 

I’m not the cause

change is hard

letting go is harder

 

Move on, I say…

Let yourself move on.

 

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Handkerchief

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The handkerchief symbolizes a time that no longer exists. A simpler time. A time where commitment was just natural. A period of time when you worked things out, when you communicated, when you were there for each other.  A time, when the tears began to flow, that special person would hand you their handkerchief to blot your eyes from the tears that would not stop streaming down your face. It represented compassion and caring and “I’m here for you.”

Something as simple as a handkerchief could say so much…  as in,  “I LOVE YOU”

Where is the handkerchief today??

I don’t want the text or the email. I want the hand attached to the handkerchief, looking at me face to face wiping my tears if need be, and reassuring me it’s going to be alright. I want to see the compassion, the love and the caring in someone’s eyes, not  words in an email; they have no voice.

Bring back the handkerchief because the world is becoming a lonely place without it 🙂

Living life!!

Kimberly Rae

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Treasure the One You’re With

Being that it is Valentines Day tomorrow I thought I would share this story with you.  I think we give up on relationships too easily these days.  Look at who you are with and really see them.  Greet them each day as if it were their last; and love them like no other.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

 

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS …

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It’s never too late.

Remember, It’s the journey that is the reward:)

Kimberly Rae

The Chameleon

“Someone elses vision of yourself will never be as good as your own. Live and die with it because in the end that’s all you have.  Lose it, you lose yourself and everything else.” ~Georgia O’Keeffe~

Our life is like a painting.  The way others view it isn’t always the way we painted it; or how we started out when we began our adult life.  How often do we paint a different picture of ourselves to please the one we are with? Are you that Chameleon that morphs into the person you are with just to keep them? Would we recognize your painting?  Or has it changed that much?

We do not always see ourselves changing for the other.  It is usually a slow process, but in doing so , we begin to lose who we really are.  We sacrifice the things we enjoy or loved at one time and brush them off as trivial and unimportant.  We go along with it for a while and often times begin to really believe it; sometimes we have to in order to survive, so we think.   We justify our actions by it; we throw our friends away, and ignore our family at times to be this person that no one knows anymore; all for the person who is really controlling our life.  And sadly, we are letting them:(

I cannot say I haven’t been there.  Most of my relationships before this last one, I gave up who I really was to make it work.  I can in all honesty say in my last relationship I was really me.  It felt good.  If I didn’t like something, I expressed my opinion. I felt free to comment on anything.  I am not saying you can’t compromise on things and issues.  But to make a 360 degree turn from who you really were, isn’t healthy.  It shows your insecurity and fears.

The Chameleon reminds me of the movie “Runaway Bride”  When the reporter asks all the men she was supposed to mary how she liked her eggs.  When he asked her, she didn’t know, because she just went along with whatever They liked.  She lost who she was and had to take the time to find herself again.  She didn’t even realize it until he brought it to her attention; which is why I am bringing it to yours.

Look at where you are now.  Is the real you in plain sight on your canvas? Or are you hiding in someone elses painting?

Let your painting be as individual as you are and smile. Because being the real you is the most beautiful painting.

As always, keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Finding You!

The heart is a funny thing.  It can hurt, and it can break – but what it really needs to do is heal.  Do we take the time needed for that to happen?  Most of us don’t.  We go right into another relationship expecting it to work out; to only be disappointed and hurt again.  Why?

Who are we after that break-up; or loss?  I do not think any of us know for sure.  We may feel lost, confused and see many paths before us.  So, where do we go?  We can’t look back – we need to stay looking ahead in a forward direction.

Knowing what path to take is almost as difficult as getting out of bed and taking that first step towards finding you.  We venture down many paths before we find who that person inside  really is.  We have to stumble and fall to see the truth in ourselves; to know we are okay.  WE are strong, like a warrior.  We push through adversity and start to love who we are.  The possibilities for our life are endless.  Our attitude and taking the time to find out who we are will lead us on a healthy path.

The beauty of finding yourself and knowing who you really are allows the possibility for others to be a part of your world. 

follow your heart to a life worth living!

Keep moving forward!

Kimberly Rae