A New Perspective

If you watch T.V. at all I’m sure you have noticed the barrage of Christmas stories, tales, and the like.  I myself choose to partake in watching those stories.  Some make you laugh but most make you cry.  As I find myself in a better place this Christmas season, I see life through a different lens.   The same stories I watched last year have a different meaning than they did before.  I have noticed that my faith is overflowing and how thankful I am for everything in my life; not that I wasn’t last year.  God just had a lot more to show me to get where I am now.

I thought that I had lost so much after my relationship ended, but really I had gained so much from it.  I needed to look at it from that perspective and God showed me how.  The how involved some hurt and more pain as I realized or became more aware of the situations I was faced with.  There was that small part of me that kept holding on to what, I’m not sure; a memory, the thought of what could have or should have been, the exceptional moments we shared; maybe all of these.

But the good Lord revealed to me a few weeks ago who this man has become.  I was saddened.   But it did allow me to let go of that last little piece.  So many of us are holding on to that piece and we don’t realize how it is keeping us from moving on.  As soon as I let go, I felt like the white dove after the cage door opens and he flies away.  It was such a freeing experience.

As I watch those Christmas stories, as sappy as some of them are:) It reminds me that Christmas is about caring, giving of yourself, and of Family.  I love this time of year.  And with my strengthened faith I know that I have to worry about nothing.  God is taking care of me. And what he puts in front of me is part of his plan.

I have no ill feelings for anyone from my past.  I keep them in my prayers and wish only the best for them.  The experiences I shared with them will always be a part of who I am.

One of the best parts that I was fortunate to keep, was the big, lovable, Garfield looking Cat.  He loves me, takes care of me, and lays at my side when I need comforting.  What a blessing that animal has been.

Let us all try to take in this holiday season with a new perspective and find joy in what we have.  Sometimes we just need to open our eyes!!

May this holiday season bring joy and peace into your life.

As always, keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

 

My lovable boy!

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Hope

The tree is up, the decorations are hung with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas will soon be here.  Well, the tree is up, but I’m not sure there will be any sugar plums dancing in my head. I think I’ve outgrown that piece of the story:) I sit here and look at my beautifully decorated tree.  The lights wink back at me as if to say, YOU MADE IT GIRL!  I wink back at the twinkling lights and feel great about where my journey has taken me.

The holidays can be a difficult time of year for some.  Especially if you have lost someone; that alone feeling can creep in and the memories start flooding into the present.  I know, that was me last Christmas.  As I hung each ornament, I didn’t think of the past.  It didn’t creep into my psyche.  Oh, there were a few ornaments that I  gently re-wrapped and put back in the box, but I didn’t let my emotions take over.  I bought a few new ones to hang, to represent the great place my life is in now.

Some of you might be thinking, she must have found a man or someone special to enjoy the holidays with.  No, I have not.  But I do have special people in my life.  I have my grow-up children, my true friends, and family.  All who I will spend time with and am thankful for.  This time of year should be spent on the ones who are here and in our lives; not on the past and what used to be.

I know it is hard to not be sad if you are missing someone this holiday season.  And you might find yourself crying over the littlest things that only mean something to you.  You’ll always have your memories.  Keep them tucked in a small place in your heart; I do:)  Focus on who is right in front of you.  Sometimes we lose sight of that in our grieving and healing.

I know it’s hard and I wish I could wrap my arms around each and every one of you who are struggling to get through the season.  But take that step everyday; as little as it might be, I am here to tell you, you will smile again, laugh again, and feel the joy of the holiday season.  We all heal in our own time.  So don’t rush it.  Pretty soon you’ll be taking giant leaps.

Smile!  May the spirit of the holiday be with you.

As always, keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Change; Are You Ready?

Life should be continually changing if we want to grow. If we let our fears and our old patterns get in the way, change will not happen and we become stagnant.  We keep circling on the same path over and over and begin to feel restless, depressed or confused; afraid to jump off and go down a new path.

what keeps us from change; a new journey?  a question we all need to ask ourselves.  It is different for all.  Fear usually plays a part, but each of us have our own fears. Being able to look deep within ourselves and face those fears is not easy. But something we must do to grow and move on.

I recall a part in the book “Napkin Notes” (an awesome read) that refers to the Wurlitzer ( a juke box) when we don’t allow change or stuff our fears, we keep choosing E-7 again and again and wonder why we are not happy.  Just picture the arm in the juke box going for the same 45 every time.  Is that your life?  We all have choices in life.  Try E-9, or A-4.  The selections are endless.
Change is in the air and old patterns need  to fall by the wayside.  New energies will emerge.  Release your fears and welcome the newness that you deserve.  Are you going to continue to press E-7?

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

P.S. I Love You!

Have you ever looked back and wished you had done things differently? I am sitting here watching the movie “P.S. I Love You”  A very rude reminder of what I’ve been through along with the crazy things I did after losing the man I loved.  As I wrote months ago Losing someone to walking out on you is the same as someone passing away.  They have left you either way and the grieving process has to run it’s course.  It’s not any easier being abandoned by choice .  I know some may have a different opinion about that, but as I sit and watch the movie, I went through all the things she went through after her husband died;  as I’m sure some of you have.  

It has taken over a year to get over all of  those places , songs,  the little things we did together not to bother me anymore.  As I look back as she has, I wish I would have said things, done some things differently.  I think when we have been with someone for some time, we get comfortable and lazy in some ways.  We have to be aware of that.  I will be for sure in my next relationship.  Notice how sure I am that there will be one:) Positive thinking can never hurt, I always say.

You have to stop wanting him at some point.  I was beginning to wonder if that was going to happen.  I found myself getting mad at myself and frustrated; why can’t I just get him out of my head?  and then you start to cry because you see others showing their love for each other and you wish you had that again.  Somehow he still enters my thoughts in stealth mode no less.  I never know when thoughts of him will just be there.  And why?  I ask. I still find myself missing parts of who he was.  But I have moved on.  Seeing this movie has helped me see it, but it also shows me who I was.  I am so glad I am not her anymore.  God has a plan.  I am enjoying my life and living each day.  And that is the best I/we can do at this point in our life. 

So I’m at the point in the movie where the handsome, built, Irish man she meets after a year of grieving takes her in his arms…  I can’t say I’ve experienced that yet.  LOL!  But hey, it could happen couldn’t it?  Until then, I will just tell myself, P.S., I love You! 

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Which Path Do I Take?

Which path do I take?  That is the overwhelming question that has plagued me for the past few weeks.  My passion for writing has been stifled by the drastic changes my life has taken over these past weeks.  I feel lost and at times alone.  I know God is there for me, but my earthly aloneness seems to be more powerful these days.  And NO, this is not a pitty party.  A few minutes of pitty is okay, but more than that, it will just consume you. 

I had a business, I had a second career, I had a team to support me; now, It’s gone; all due to circumstances beyond my control.  I have to believe this was God’s Will.  I’m not sure why and I may never know.  So the question that beckons me daily is, “do I continue with what we started, alone?”  I think the bigger question is, “Can I do it by myself?”  With a little help I probably could, but do I want to???  

I am very passionate about what I do in the classroom. I feel it is best practice for students and my videos portray that.  But when your own colleagues don’t support you, and talk about you behind your back, it is hard to maintain that level of confidence to keep going with your dream.  There are so many scriptures in the bible that speak to this same situation, but I am still unsure if this is what God wants me to do. 

The Government and society sees our education system as failing.  Well, if we can’t work together as educators how can we expect to move mountains and compete with other countries?  I’m trying to help educators move into the direction that we have to shift into.  But most just shun my work and me because I represent change.  How many hoops do I have to jump, to get their attention and to gain their respect for what I do?  I guess at my age, I’m tired of playing games; why can’t we learn together and respect what each has to offer?  Why does it have to be a competition?  Life in its purest form doesn’t and shouldn’t work that way. If we expect our students to work together then we should as well. 

Retirement looms in the background of my mind.  I love the 30 smiling faces that greet me daily, but some of the staff that surrounds me can be mean and cruel.  I look to God for strength and patience.  I will wait for his plan to unfold.  Only he knows when I will be ready. 

Which path do I take?  I’ll let you know when I begin the journey!

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Dealing with Today

“Sometimes the past is a present”  As the tears were flowing, slowly trickling down my face, I came across this as I was attempting to read.  The tears clouded my vision, but it caught my attention.  At that moment, I couldn’t see how the past was a present at all.  The curve ball that was thrown my way today has clouded my vision; my positive, happy, outgoing vision.  I really just wanted to crawl in  a hole and not come out.  The darkness was all I wanted for a while.

As my vision became a little clearer, I saw how much I had learned over the past 6 years and I am thankful for that.  I just don’t know why I am continually tormented by him and the other woman.  I have done nothing to them.  I’m just trying to move on.  What am I supposed to learn from all of this Lord?  I do not know.  It hurts and as I lay out my pain to you today, you have to know this is real stuff.  Life can just sock you in the gut from out of nowhere.  My reaction wasn’t great; a lot of tears and wondering why I am without someone;  when I wasn’t the one who did anything wrong.  Writing about it always helps me.  I have dreams and goals that I want to pursue and that I am pursuing.  I can’t and I won’t let him or anyone step on those dreams.  God has a plan for me and I need to be patient and wait.  My faith will follow me wherever I go.

Keep moving forward.  I am today:)

 

Kimberly Rae

Have You Found Your Ideal Partner???

“If you do not feel yourself growing in your relationship, your life broadening and deepening, If it isn’t a perpetual tonic to you, you have not found your ideal partner.” ~Orison Swett Marden

I found this quote today and realized it fit where I am at in my life; that in between place where you think you want someone but you’re not sure.  And is there an ideal partner out there for us????  I wonder.  I thought I had it.  I guess I didn’t.

As a football fan, I do miss sharing the games with him.  That was always fun.  So I sat here tonight watching the Packers almost win.  I screamed and yelled and said a few obscenities at the refs.  I watched alone and bantered with my Facebook friends who are also football fans.  That’s when I wish I had someone to share my life with.

I think I’ve spent the last year learning what my ideal partner would be like or what I’d like him to be like. This is why we shouldn’t rush into other relationships so fast.  We have to take the time to figure out what didn’t work in the last one and look at who we are to see what changes we need to make; otherwise we are not going to grow and be able to embrace the next level of our journey.

Not sure if my ideal partner is out there, but if he is, he better love football.  LOL

Don’t settle!

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

We’ll Meet Again!

“She let the bridle strap drop as she slapped Artemisia’s thigh,  “Go! she cried Go!” Maya choked on her tears as she waved goodby to the horse she loved so much,” Run girl run!” Maya held her arms high in the air and waved.  And somewhere deep in her heart, a truth enveloped  her, along with her tears. “we’ll meet again…I promise, we will meet again.”

This was the end to a book I was reading to my students.  I began to cry as I read it.  Of course I was thinking of my life as the words sunk in.  Sometimes we have to let go of the ones we care for the most; because we love them that much. We have to say goodby and let them find their way; a struggle for a lot of us; me included.

Isn’t it funny how we think we know which direction our life is going and then it suddenly changes.  Yesterday I knew where I was going, today, there is more than one path ahead of me.  My faith will guide me to where I am supposed to be.

I miss the arms of that special someone, telling me it will be alright:)

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Reasons To Leave

I found this in Psychology Today.  I thought it would be helpful to those struggling to leave.  It just takes one of these, to start to question the relationship you are in.  Don’t justify any of them; if you have to, it’s time to get out!

10 Reasons to Leave a Relationship

      How To Know When It’s Time To Go
Published on September 17, 2012 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

You can always find reasons to leave a relationship if you look hard enough. But it’s the obvious reasons—those that might be right in front of you—that should help you make your decision.

  1. Abuse. If you are being abused physically, emotionally, verbally, or financially, get a lawyer and get out. The only time an abuser gets it is when there’s a serious consequence.
  2. Serial infidelity. If there has been an affair and you have worked through the painful process of rebuilding your relationship, and then another occurs, you’ve done your part and now it’s time to go your separate ways. For some, one affair is a relationship breaker.
  3. No communication. If you have stopped talking, your relationship has stopped growing; in fact, it may be dying. If there’s nothing left to say, and you’re just upset with each other all the time and you’ve tried counseling, talk about your other options. Sometimes people just can’t live together any longer.
  4. Alcoholism or drug addiction. Addicts do not have relationships—they have hostages. The longer you stay the codependent, the harder it will be for you, your partner, and your relationship to heal.
  5. Chronic arguing. If you are constantly in each other’s face and angry, and if you have tried therapy, you may just have too many resentments to get over. When there’s too much pain to overcome, most people leave.
  6. Your partner won’t go to counseling. If either one of you wants couples therapy, you both need to go. If you choose not to, you are saying you don’t want to work on the relationship. And without proper work, any relationship will die.
  7. Not being nice. If either one of you is not nice to the other most of the time, it’s a sign that there are deeper issues affecting you both. Many people can deal with someone being constantly mad at them, and many cannot.
  8. When someone won’t accept your children or pets. If your partner hates your kids, there are going to be constant battles. Same goes for your animals (which are like children for many people these days). If your partner dislikes someone or something you love, it’s just going to create discord. Either fix it or get out.
  9. When emotional blackmail is a way of life. If your partner belittles you (in private or public), lies, makes you feel that you are the “crazy” one and continues to bring up past issues, he or she is trying to control you in a very negative way. That isn’t a relationship; it’s emotional terrorism.
  10. If your partner says he or she wants to leave, and there is nothing you can do or say to change this, it’s over. Let him or her go, and move on with your life.

As with many things that are painful, breaking up is much easier said than done. But the sooner you push forward, the sooner the emotional discomfort will end.

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae

Let the Sunshine In!

When life hits us hard the flower in our heart begins to wilt; the walls come up and we close ourselves off from everyone.   We lose those connections we have with others and especially ourselves.  Our heart cannot heal, our flower cannot bloom until we let go and let people in.  We are guarded.  We don’t want to feel the anguish and the pain again; we don’t want to feel.  Our flower cannot flourish in the dark.  We must let the light in.  It will slowly come to life again as we begin to trust, share, and break down the wall.

Really take a look at where you are at.  I didn’t realize that my flower was still in sad shape.  I truly thought I had let the sunshine in.  I guess not enough.  My struggles the last week have shown me that.  It is scary to let the delicate flower be exposed to the elements and situations you may have to face.  I think I still have some work to do.  My faith will help me through so that I may bloom again.

Let the sunshine in.  Your life is waiting!

Kimberly Rae