Tag: Change

Here’s What I Know For Sure…

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journeyLeave a comment

I know that we have to create our own happiness and let others add to it.

I know that love in it’s purest form is all I need.

I know it isn’t our job to fix people; but to encourage and inspire.

I know that life can beat me down, but it’s how I get up and face it, that strengthens my character.

I know people come and go in my life, but I have learned something from each one of them, and I thank them for that.

I know that men and women can be just friends – and that is okay:)

I know that my life will never change unless I do something I have never done.

I know that living in the moment allows me to see things I might have missed.

I know  that a rose bud that has just opened is the most fragrant as is a new relationship  just beginning to bloom.

I know my children are the best part of me. I am so proud of who they have become.

I know the pain that comes from a love lost and the renewed person that comes from it.

I know that a few good friends out way many.

I know the beauty of the mountains and the quiet of the slow moving stream.

I know God’s love and that he believes in me.

I know that I’m happy and I love my life.

I know the depth of my soul is only as deep as the love I have for myself.

I know that true beauty lies within, not in the cover.

What I do know for sure is every ending has a new beginning – so no  matter where you are at in the circle of life; beginning, middle, or end, make it the best and truly live in each moment that crosses your path.

 

The Journey is the Reward!

Keep hiking to the top.

Kimberly Rae

The Unspoken Words are Felt the Most

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey1 Comment

Did you every say or do something you wish you could take back?  That impulsive thought, action, that once given and received cannot be retrieved. Why do we do that?  Actually why do I do that?  I keep saying I won’t do that again.  I will give it a day before I respond or react.  But I don’t.  I’m not talking about something that would hurt someone or belittle them.  No… These are words of love and kindness that were not taken or interrupted correctly by the recipient.  Their response to me was like a knife being jabbed into my stomach and twisted  around. It reminded me of a time I don’t care to remember.   And then you begin to over think it and interrupt it many ways;  which is so asinine.   Words are just words; without action behind them, they don’t mean much.  But when you are a few thousand miles away, you find yourself attaching to every word, because that is all you have.

Being single for 3 years, has put me in a vulnerable place.  I long for that stimulating conversation with a male friend.  And I mean a friend.  Reconnecting with my old friend has helped me see some things in my life from a different perspective.  It has helped me let go of some things I didn’t realize I was holding on to.  So it saddens me that I may have lost this friend due to misinterpretation using social media.  But you know what…  If  we never speak again, I will always remember this past week.  He opened my eyes and helped rekindle my inner spirit and for that, I am grateful.  Sometimes people step into our lives for just a short while to get you on your new path.   I know I touched his life as well:)

 

“If  unspoken words are felt, then you have connected.”  ~ Kimberly Rae

 

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

Our Paths in Life

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journeyLeave a comment

The breeze is quiet as it catches a few strands of my long hair.  They wisp across my face; like the tickle of a soft feather as it brushes so gently over my face.  The birds are having their own social gathering as I sit peacefully in the old Green Adirondack chair.  The floor beneath my feet is damp from the rain, mixed with wood-chips, pine needles and remnants of hours of fun.

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I reflect upon my morning hike and parallel that journey with life…

The trail started out smooth; a gradual incline.  A 1300 foot elevation gain by the time I would make it to my destination. But nothing I couldn’t handle.  I stopped along the way to take in the beautiful surroundings.  I continued on, only to find myself on a rocky trail.  I had to watch my step.  My journey was beginning to be more challenging.  As I was adjusting to the new terrain – I came to a roadblock.  The large oak had fallen to its death, blocking the trail I was on.

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I had to make a choice, so I could keep moving forward.  At this point, I needed to tap into my patience, my faith, and my perseverance so I could make it over this hurdle without getting hurt.  I could have taken the easy way and made a path  around it.  But I decided I needed to take some risks and with that, the possibility of being hurt.  I had to start breaking down those walls.  I slowly rolled over the massive log and touched ground on the other side.  Not as hard as I thought:)  As I moved on, the terrain became very rocky.  But as I continued to take baby steps and appreciate my surroundings – my journey became manageable.  I soon found myself walking on smooth ground.

In life, we find ourselves somewhere on this trail.  We are all there at some point in our life.  How we move forward is a choice only we can make.  If we take the time, to make a choice, to make a change – the trail smooths out.

Where are you on your journey?

Keep Hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

 

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Don’t Cage the Butterfly

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journeyLeave a comment

The beautiful black and orange Monarch flutters by as I freely hike into the unknown.  He seems to be watching over me. Or maybe he’s enjoying the path I chose to take today.  He’s free to come and go as he likes.  I look at my life synonymous to the butterfly.  We all transform throughout our life.  We grow and become different people.  Some more colorful than others, but all out there trying to live their life they way they feel is best.  No one can take that away from them unless…  A little boy sees that beautiful butterfly flying around touching the reds, golds, and greens of the garden, cups his hands around the orange and black and puts the beauty in a jar to admire and watch.  Sadly his freedom is now taken away.  He can only flutter within the confines of the glass jar he was placed in; not by choice.

I find myself in that glass jar today and for a while maybe.   My freedom to roam the many trails just waiting for my footprints are no longer.  I’m trapped in the jar, looking out at all I am missing.  I have air holes.  I can breathe in the fresh air, but I can’t walk in it.  My fragile vertebrae, like the butterfly’s, have fused together.  As I sit here at my computer, the pain ripples up my spine.  My years of adventure and exploring have caught up to me.  The trails will not feel the life I bring, this year.  What are my options?  I feel as if my wings are about to fall off.  I can’t flutter anymore.  I have to look at my life through a different lens.  I won’t let the little boy keep me caged.  I will find a way to be on the trails again, to kayak down a river, to explore the unknown.  This butterfly has a lot more life to live.

My color will flourish.  I will shine again.  The lid will come off and I will fly.  The mountains will feel my footsteps again.

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

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A Love Lost… Where Did it Go??

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journeyLeave a comment

The cool breeze trickles through my window, as I sit staring off into the night.   It is an abnormally 65 degrees on a Wednesday, in sunny Arizona.  I’m relishing in the cool soft breeze as I know this will be the last for awhile.  I understand why it’s going away.  The earth has rotated.  The sun is in the right place for summer to begin. It’s going to be hot; very hot, here in Arizona.  We won’t see the coolness of the night for a very long time.  But I know it will return, with the falling of the leaves.

What I don’t know and what I don’t understand is why people who say they love us so much, hurt us the most.  They say they need space and then they leave, for something far less than you.   The love they had for us got lost somewhere.  What does that mean???

I dry my eyes from the tears that I shed moments ago.  My children are hurting.  I want to fix their pain; I want to take it away.  But I can’t.

What do you tell your six foot three son who is cradled in your arms crying because the woman he loved so much cheated on him?  You let him cry and you listen.  Because you know what it’s like to go through that.  You’ve been there.  And as you cry with him, that old hurt and pain begins to surface as he tells you the lies she has deceived him with.  You’ve heard them all before and you know she isn’t going to come back but you can’t tell him that, not yet anyway.  He will figure it out in his own time.  I, as all mothers would do, will continue to be there for him.

My daughter, who has struggled through life, found a man that she could truly love with all her being. She smiled and laughed with genuine sincerity.  I was so thrilled that this wonderful man loved my daughter so much.  But the happiness that radiated from her may not return with the falling of the leaves.   He too, needs his space and may have fallen to someone far less than the amazing woman, I call my daughter.  Again, the same words, the same stories, the same lies.  “He says, he just wants to work it out, but he still loves me.”  As I nod my head whispering to myself, I know, I know.  She cries some more and just doesn’t know how she is going to live without him.

I reacted.  Only within the confines of my 4 walls.  I screamed and cursed the 3 of them.  Those hurt feelings came back so quickly.  Does anyone work on relationships anymore or do they just walk away and take the easy way out?  No one puts any effort into love and all that should come with it.  They just try on another shoe.  And even if it doesn’t fit so well and is a little tattered they try to make it fit, because now its too late  to  take back the one they ignored and shoved in the closet.  The one that shined when they were around.  The one that was true and loyal and would have never left.  We shouldn’t take on the victim role. Because really, we are not the victims.  They are victims of their own stupidity and poor choices.  We, (my children) will pick up the pieces and move on.  I’m hoping that my healing can be an example for them to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move forward.  I can only be there for them and continue to pray for the strength they will need to take the next step.

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

Lingering Thoughts

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey1 Comment

The cool breeze whispers

through the slightly open window.

The clouds are lingering

and the wind chime sings it’s sweet song.

Memories of you sneak into my thoughts

as they do from time to time:)

You gave me eyes to see.

I was blinded by my past.

and you opened my world… and I fell in.

 

We are on two separate paths you and I.

I, knowing where I’m going; YOU??

 

Our paths may never cross or meet again.

But you’ll always be able to find me in your words.;)

Kimberly Rae

 

Letting Them Go…

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey, Relationships2 Comments

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Somewhere Over the Rainbow…

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey2 Comments

Somewhere over the rainbow…  I know it’s just a song, but how many of us grew up with the notion that dreams really do come true?   Yours truly:)  Yes, I know, I’m a hopeless romantic. I blame my parents, they made me watch the Wizard of Oz every year it came on.  My mother read me every fairytale.  I was in love with  princes.  They would always rescue me when my life got rough and I got scared.  My dreams saved me.  And then reality hit.  “What do you mean there aren’t any handsome princes????”  Who is going to save me???  Ahhh, the burning question.  The answer is, I have to save myself.  I  can’t  depend on someone else or a fictional dream. That has only confused my psyche on what is real and what is pretend.

In my last relationship, I always said he was my handsome prince.  He rescued me from my self-doubt, pity, you name it.  I fell in love deeply.  Like I did in my dreams.  I had my fairytale, so I thought.  Or was I just living in a false reality?

I find myself still sitting at the beginning of the rainbow.  I want a relationship, I think I’m ready for one, but nothing is happening.  I can’t seem to take a step.  A friend sent me the saying below and it gave me a jolt.  He is still on my mind.  Not on purpose.  I don’t want him to be.  I have moved on.  I go about my life doing many things.  So why is he still in the deep recesses of my thoughts??

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Is this why I can’t seem to get to the other side?  I think he will always  have a special place in my heart.  He was my prince after all:)  But I can go on.  I have gone on.  I don’t want him back.  The man he has become is not someone I would even entertain.    Maybe I’m afraid to see what is  on the other side of the rainbow.  I must be guarding my heart.  I have to take the armor off or I’ll never get to the other side.  Then I think, maybe I had my one chance at true love and that is all I get.   I guess I’ll never know until I tear the walls down and start journeying over that rainbow.  God has my back.  I do believe he has a great plan for me.  I secretly hope  someone to share my life with is part of the plan:):)

 

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true.”

I’ll keep you posted:):)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Choice, Chance, Change

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey1 Comment

“Keep walking as long as you can, then take one more step.”  That has been my philosophy for the past 2 years.  The hardest and most challenging can be the “one more step.”

We all have a choice, to take a chance, to change.  If we don’t change, we don’t grow.   Oh… we can rearrange the proverbial box over and over thinking that we are making some great strides in our life, but really… we are just in denial about things we do not want to face.  To change, we need to take the lid off and breathe new air, new life to our boring tired existence.  Because really, we have just been existing.  Is that you?  Do you know of someone like that?  Sadly I do.

If we want to be happy, we have to take the time to learn who we are.  Most of us won’t waste the time to look into ourselves; to dig deep.  Because if we do, we might not like what we see.  But to grow we need to see the good with the bad.  So… when you take the lid of your box, (you know, the one you’ve been living in) it might be a bit scary.  Not Halloween scary, or spooky scary but scary non the less.  You have to face what you see, experience, feel.  You cannot run away or back into your box, that is the easy way out and what a lot of us do. We let our fears drive us and sometimes define us.   We go back to our comfort zone and we don’t deal with our shit.  And so, there we are again, back to rearranging our box and pretending that we have changed, progressed, moved one; whatever you want to call it.

I know I have made drastic changes in my life.  The lid came off immediately.  I wasn’t going to stay locked up in a box alone.  I knew I had to find myself.  It took time and that “one more step”  many times.   I made the choice, and I took the chance, to change my life.

I find myself at a crossroads again.  I’m still living way outside of the box, but I feel an emptiness in my life.  I need to push through any fears I have and just go for it.  So I applied to teach in Africa; yes Africa.  It is a bit scary, but exciting at the same time.  I feel it is the adventure I need to move even further in my life.  It’s that “one more step”  and as I said, it can be the hardest one.  I will be away for 2 years.  I can come back once a year.  I feel it is the direction that God is wanting for me.

As  much as I would love to share my life with someone, I feel it isn’t in God’s plan right now.  Going to another country, somewhere I do not know, will allow me to find more of who I am.  I trust in the Lord and that he knows what is best for me.

So… if you want to change your life look for the good things God has put in front of you and more will come your way.  You have to find your happiness from within; until you do, you will just be rearranging the inside of the box.

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Facing Change!

On By Kimberly Rae Gerodimos/MarxIn Life's journey1 Comment

The light from the bathroom window peaks under the door as I lay in my bed at 2:16 in the morning.  I’m wide awake.  Why?  I ask myself.  The room is quiet.  I talk to God for a while.  I feel confident my mother’s surgery will go well, my daughter is safe in New York and my son is doing great so… Why am I staring at the fan blades as they rotate around over and over?

Life is ever-changing.  I think when we begin to get into a rut, God/the universe wakes us up with something we may not like to get our attention.  You have all seen my transformation from where I started to where I am now and I have grown through change and made it to the other side; but I’m still climbing that mountain.  I’ve been hit with more change than I want to deal with now.  I can’t run away from it, or brush it aside; it’s still going to be there.  I think it’s natural to want to run away sometimes.  It’s times like these you wish you had someone to hold you.

As always, I find solace in my hiking trips.   They help center me and help give me more of a focus on what I need to do.  This weekend as I venture into the rim country, I will attempt to find my focus.  There are some days (like today) I wish I was just lost in the woods where no one can find me; the creek is running and the trout are jumping.  The trees make their own sound as the wind rustles through them.  Music to my ears!  Alright!! Back to reality:(

Life deals us a hand every day.  We can choose to play it or not.  If we don’t, we are playing it safe and life isn’t going to take us very far.    Taking risks is a part of change and growth; scary as it may be at times, it lets you know you’re alive and that you can do anything you put your mind to.  

So life is dealing me a few hands here.  And I’m just not wrapping my head around one of them.  That is teaching 2nd grade for the first time in my life, in the last year of my career.  I don’t agree with the decision to move me there.  But I have no say in the matter.  I don’t want to say, “I don’t have a choice” because we all have a choice no matter what we are faced with.  I could just quit.  But then I wouldn’t have an income, so that won’t work for me.  The negative energy that this whole situation is giving off doesn’t work well for me.  So… I guess I just need to embrace it, accept it, and move on.  One more year!!  I can do this.

As I was writing this a friend of mine called and gave me some positive ways to look at this new change in my life.  Thank you to him for his words.

I purposely wore my read dress today to feel energized and ready to take on what ever came my way.  It always helps when I wear red.  I feel empowered:)

So as my day comes to a close I feel good.  I have so much to be thankful for, I shouldn’t feel any other way!  I can still hear the stream flow and the fish jumping!

 

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae