How cliché right? Especially if you’re a teacher. I would never give my students a prompt like this or any prompt for that matter. They should write what they are passionate about not what I tell them to write about. So I’m writing about what I learned this summer, because it is important to me. We are always learning and growing as we move on in life. I’m still discovering who I am as we all should.
As a teacher, my 3 month summer vacation is really only 2 months and then when you take away the week of classes, taking down and setting up, I am left with 5 weeks. I can’t believe school will be starting in a week and a half. I have been in my classroom almost everyday since I got back from my travels. The overwhelmingness (OK, not a word) of it all is starting to hit me as it does every year.
Before I reflect, I want to preface my awareness’ by saying, I have moved on with my life. But as you know, I keep it real. And when you’re real, your true feelings and emotions come out. So many of us repress them and hide them from others. We are still allowed to remember the past even when we are moving toward the future.
I traveled on some familiar ground this summer; ground I shared with the person from my recent past. I could tell you every place we stepped foot in and on, what we were wearing, what we said; I felt the laughter and the good times we had in all those places. I miss that part of him; that easy-going, fun, spontaneous, adventurous person that he was. The way we were always in sync; the depths of our inner souls that we knew and shared with one another. That is a lot to have with someone else; maybe only a one time thing. But I also realized, when we came back from our travels that he wasn’t always there for me. I fought for his attention. He was in his own world; I was just someone to keep him company when he wanted it. He put me down more than I wanted to see. But he would encourage me at the same time. He didn’t know what he wanted; he still doesn’t, he just pretends. No matter now. I didn’t feel the hurt in my gut. What I felt was joy and peace. I know how far I have come. I was weak when I was with him. He left so I could become who I am. That I thank him for. I wish him enough.
I know that my career in teaching elementary is almost over. I came to see how much I want to be in nature, so I can hike, kayak, write and just enjoy all the beauty that God has created. I find myself gravitating to those places. The same places he and I talked about settling in. I learned that I have always been an adventurer. I looked back on my life and realized I was always looking for that next adventure. I just wasn’t with the right person at the time; until I met the last person in my life. I am more like my dad than I thought. He always told me to live my life; even the night before he passed away he made me promise to keep exploring life. Well, I certainly have.
I have overcome fears that I had in the past. I find myself experiencing things I would have never tried before. (Outdoor adventures, that is:)) Because there is no one saying behind my back, “Oh, she won’t do that.” I can, I will, and I have:) So there!
I am finally at a place in my life where I like who I am. I don’t need a man to be happy or to define me. I have male friends and acquaintances that I value and respect. But I haven’t met the man who I’m going to share my life with; not yet. Notice I said, “I’m going to.” My thoughts are positive about where I am and where I’m going. I share my happiness in life by smiling everyday, hoping that it catches on to the next person that sees me:)
I learned that I had to lose a few good friends in order to move on with my life. I cherish those relationships and will look back fondly on the time I had with them. I let the negative things go and focus on the positive. Life is too short.
So… as the summer comes to an end for this teacher, I wish you all well enough; enough life and living to sustain you, enough to be happy.
Keep hiking to the top,