When Life Happens…

The birds were singing, the alarm went off, but I just couldn’t get out of bed.  My sleep was restless as I was thinking about our family cabin… hoping and praying that it would not be destroyed in the current fire.   Working out was not going to happen today.  My stomach was in knots and I found myself crying at the oddest times.  Sometimes, life just happens and you have to take a day to collect yourself.  You can’t feel guilty.

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The view…breathtaking  

 

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The cabin my dad built

Some of you may say, it’s just a cabin, but to me it is so much more.  My father built it in 1959.  He was the first on the mountain.  I’ve been going up there for the past 58 years.  It is my sanctuary, my place of solace…my escape if you will…the only home or constant in my tumultuous life.

I have explored every inch of that mountain.  I have special places that only I know about.  My father’s cabin is all we have left of him.  His ashes are spread there among the irises.  So you see, it isn’t just a cabin.

My brother and I live down in the Valley.  When we received word of evacuation, we were too late.  We were not able to go up and retrieve anything of importance, especially my dads 53 Willy’s jeep.

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My dad’s 53 Willy’s

The fire is still raging, and has consumed over 28000 acres so far.  Right now it is about 4-5 miles from our mountain.  But… the firefighters are working diligently to save it.  I have faith and every confidence that they will.

Part of staying healthy is to take care of your emotional health as well.  So this was a day where I spent time with my family as we supported each other.

Tomorrow is another day and working out is on my agenda.  Building those endorphin’s up and feeling good no matter the outcome.  It’s all in God’s hands.

Our plans this 4th of July weekend were to be up there… enjoying family, making new memories, and hiking all over.  The Kayaks are put away, but the hiking shoes remain.  I’ll be exploring somewhere this weekend.  The outdoor’s is my playground.  Always staying active!!!

May you all have an active and healthy weekend!!!

Kimberly Rae

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Looking out over our mountain.  
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The Red Shoes

The full moon Shone brightly as it illuminated the outdoor Gathering of her classmates from 40 years ago.

 Her anticipation of the evening to come held many surprises.  Prior to this moment she thought about nothing but the excitement of seeing old friends and classmates; reconnecting and just enjoying herself.

The thought of possibly meeting someone was a distant feeling but surfaced now and then.

She busied herself with the planning of the event not thinking of what she would wear until… A picture of red shoes appeared out of nowhere on her phone.  “My Cinderella shoes,” she whispered to herself. She knew these were HER glass slippers.

As she slid her smooth manicured foot into the red velvet booty, she felt magical… Her intuition led her to believe she would connect with someone this evening. When in reality, she had already made the connection… 40 years ago, 10 years ago, and a week ago . The seeds had been planted.  She just didn’t know it.

As she walked onto the moonlit patio, her eyes roamed. There he was, the man she had been casually speaking with the week prior. Their eyes met briefly. She felt drawn to him. But kept her distance. She made casual conversation as she mingled around… but the red shoes kept moving her in his direction. The overwhelming desire to just talk and talk with him was intense… but the jagged edges of betrayal left a very deep scar. She was afraid. God  was answering her prayer, and pointing her in the right direction, but her fears took over. She left that evening hugging him goodbye and wishing him well. 

She went back to her room, took off the red shoes and knelt down and prayed. She prayed for guidance. She prayed for God to take away her fears because if he was the one she didn’t want to lose him.   

…And she didn’t 

Yes, this is me. This all began back in October of this year. I’m writing this because I have been blogging for over five years, when my past relationship ended. The scars that it left were very deep. I always wondered and prayed if I would ever meet someone that I could share my life with… not settle for…but with a man I  was so in sync with and connected to,  that we just fit.  

I waited for over five years for God to answer my prayer. I always had faith that he had that someone special for me and he would appear when I least expected it. I needed that time to grow and find myself; to become confident in the woman I am today so that I could receive the person that God had for me. I’m so thankful that I waited and that I continued to have faith and just let God lead us to each other.  And now… I couldn’t be happier. I’m so thankful and so blessed to have this wonderful man in my life.  

It does happen, you just have to believe and have faith😊

Thank you Lord for giving me my grown-up Christmas wish 😉 😉
Merry Christmas to all of you. Don’t ever give up believing 🙂

Kimberly Rae

A New Journey!

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“One moment she was alone and lost… and 4 years later she emerges, anew.”

I have decided to take a different path with my blogs.  I have healed and moved on from my very painful relationship.  My blogging helped me to move on.  Sharing my raw feelings helped me deal with life.  Not that I won’t stumble… I am only human:)  But life, my life has moved on.

After everything I have been through I look at myself as a tight rope walker.  Because the tight rope walker is the one who doesn’t need a safety net.  He can move on with his life without someone in it.  And that is just what I did.  My faith is all that I needed and need to keep moving forward.

I love to write about my discoveries, whether they be about life or the many trails that I happen upon and learn from.

I am fortunate enough to live in a state that allows me to hike all year round.  The desert is beautiful in it’s own right.  You just have to see it and sometimes look for it.  I get to see this mountain everyday.  I have hiked to the top and all through it.  And just yesterday, I discovered by accident a new trail behind this amazing, majestic mountain.  You never know what you are going to find, on the trail or in life.  It is how you look at it that makes the difference.  I choose to see the beauty in what is in front of me.  To some, they will only see ugly, prickly cactus and a ground full of dirt and sand.  But when you open your eyes, and I mean really open your eyes… You see so much more.

That is how I view life.  My eyes are wide open and I choose to enjoy the moments put in front of me and see the desert in all of it finery as a gift from God.

So I challenge you… open your eyes and see, really see, what is in front of you.

The peace and joy I get from wandering these desert trails only remind me of how grateful I am to be alive, to enjoy the trails I have been on, and the many more I will explore!

Enjoy my view below:)

As always…. Keep Hiking to the Top,

Kimberly Rae

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A New Chapter…

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“We attain freedom as we let go of whatever does not reflect our magnificence.” ~Alan Cohen

I wake slowly from a very deep sleep. The sound of the clock mimics my heart as it beats steadily. For a brief moment I realize this is  the same clock that sounded over and over in my head, four years ago when my heart was bleeding and in pieces on the floor.  A puzzle, I thought, that could never be put back together.  ergo… the beginning of my blogs.  Or should I say… the beginning of my healing.  It seems like a lifetime ago.

I have stumbled, tripped, even fallen, but I always got back up.  I learned something new about ME every time I veered off the path.

I learned that the scars of betrayal will always be with you.  It is how you rise above it that will make or break your journey.

I learned that life isn’t always fair.  It just isn’t!!

I learned that I Am ENOUGH!

I learned that volunteering and helping others is something I enjoy and has helped me to heal.

I learned to keep the good memories with me and if they bring a tear to my eye… it’s okay too:)

I learned to have no regrets.  My time spent with him brought me to where I am today:)

I learned to love myself

I learned that only I can make myself happy.  My happiness does not depend on others.

I can honestly say, that I am real and genuine.  I smile a lot and do my best to bring joy into other’s lives which in turn brings a smile to mine:)

But… I could not have done any of this without my faith and trust in God.  He is my Rock.  I believe he has great things in store for me this coming year.  The restlessness inside me, tells me there is change in the air.  God must be moving a few mountains for me… because here I come!!!!!

As always,

Keep Hiking to the Top,

Kimberly Rae

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The Dance Lesson

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The twang and the electric sound of the country music hits my ears as I walked into the night club.  I was by myself, going to meet an old high school friend that invited me to come learn the West Coast Swing.  I love to dance, so it was obvious I would say yes. (God knew that)  What I didn’t know, is how much I was going to learn on this fine Saturday evening.

My friend paired me up with a male friend  of hers so I would have a partner.  As I walked on to the dance floor I assumed I would only be learning a new dance.  But God knew, there was a part of my past that I had not settled with.  I  loosely took his hand, the music started I was in my element and I felt great!!  As he spun me around…. There she was.  The woman who so cunningly did her best to lure my past relationship away from me.  The woman I knew, who I entertained in my home.  A woman who played the game; took him for a while and then spit him back out.  The woman who aided and abetted in breaking my heart into so many pieces that I thought I would never be able to put them back together.  As our eyes locked, I froze. Everything stopped for that moment.  But the beat goes on, as Nancy Sinatra would say.  And so did I:)

Being that I am not a vengeful person, I never said anything to her 3 and half years ago, I just let it go.  I said plenty to him, but that is another story:)  And then I think, maybe I should have.  But as I looked at her and watched her through the evening, I knew that I was so much better off.  My life was rich in love, joy, peace….   I can wake up every morning with a smile, that is genuine.  I’m happy with me:)

This dance lesson helped me put so many things into perspective.  I realized I do not want to have the love I had for him with anyone else.  I fell so deep in love with him, that I lost who I was which made the hurt even more painful.  I will love again. I didn’t let it destroy me.

God has his ways of reaching us and helping us to the next step so we are open to more of his blessings.  I had a very enjoyable evening.  I met new people, and danced with a kick in my step knowing, I am on the right path.

I leave you with some words of wisdom from someone who has lived it:)

“Memories are good. But sometimes a memory is so powerful that we get stuck in it… frozen in a minute.” ~KG~

Keep Hiking to the Top,

Faith in What’s to Come

They say they built the train tracks between the Alps and Venice before there was a train to use them.  They just knew that it would come…

I hiked to the top of a very steep trail just to find ladybugs that inhabit the area.  As I reached the top, I was looking at a wide open field with tall grasses and flowering weeds… beautiful in their own right. But I couldn’t find a one. Not one lady bug.  The beauty in front of me was astounding.  I laid down and looked up at the puffy white clouds that seemed to move their way around the sun.  I closed my eyes and took it all in.  My mind free to flow and think.  When I opened my eyes, there were lady bugs all around me.  ~When we aren’t looking, the most amazing things are attracted to us~

I am not looking.  I have spent the last 4 years getting to know me again.  I have embraced my singleness… although there is the idea of someone to share my life with.

So… I  slowly tore down the wall that  was protecting my heart. It was time.  I opened up my heart once again.  I shared intimate moments of my life.  I opened my soul and became vulnerable to his kindness.  But I soon realized, I was just his muse.  Someone to fill a void in a seemingly happy life. (so he says)   And so the wall goes back up again… this time it is made of brick. It will soften in time:)  So I continue to live my life and wait… patiently, for the right one.  When he enters my path – I’ll know.  I’ll just know… he’s the one.

All I want is to be someone’s SOMEONE… Their only SOMEONE:)  Not just a fleeting moment in someone else’s existence. I am worth more than that.

I know my day will come. The train may not be here yet, But I have FAITH… it will come:)

As always,  Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

Just Friends

The sweet smell of cinnamon and sugar engulf the small space I call my writing corner. I miss having an office.  The scent of a candle can bring back memories, brighten up a mood, or take you to another place where no one can find you.  I am going to another place.  In my mind anyway.

There are days I understand life and all that it gives and others where it just doesn’t make sense.  This is a “doesn’t make sense”  kind of day.

It was my birthday yesterday.  Even though I was overpowered with birthday wishes, there was one I didn’t get.  One I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to get.

Why can’t men and women just be friends?  I have always had male friends; married, with a girlfriend, didn’t matter.  I had no romantic interest in them.  They were just great friends.  But society and insecure women don’t see it that way.  If they have someone in their life you can’t be talking with them.  WHY NOT???  I’m not trying to take them from who they have.  I would never do that.  I’ve been on the other of that.  It is so nice talking to a man.  They don’t judge you, criticize you, they say it like is and you don’t have to second guess them.  Amazing!!!

That pit in your stomach, the “I don’t feel like eating,”  the emptiness in your heart is all that I am feeling right now.  I had to give my friend up.  He can no longer talk to me, email me, or call me.  Society has deemed it isn’t right.  I have known him since college.  I know people come and go in our lives, but I will miss him.  I do miss him… and he misses me.   But I do understand. His happiness is more important to me.  I know we will always be friends in our hearts.

Always hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae