Positive Thinking!!

      My Wish for Today

 

As I sit here at the end of a long day, in the peace and quiet of my classroom, I think of you.  The moisture in the sky has provoked my students to act in a mysterious way throughout the day; which has left me drained and wishing I was on the road… with you.

The tranquility of the mountain air, the smell of the pine trees, and the aroma of the campfire beneath the openness of the twinkling blue sky, are all things I long for at this moment.   As the sun departs and the moon slowly rises, a chill fills the air; I snuggle up to you with your arms around me and I am loved and life is good.

 

I have come to a point in my life where being positive is all I know.  Not a bad thing:)  So…  I do not know who the “You” is in my poem, but knowing that he’s out there and knowing that he will come into my like one day, is thinking positively:)   I trust that God will lead him to me, or me to him:)   Life is a never ending journey.  I’m happy with mine:)

 

Keep Hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

Erasing the Bad Stuff

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory, as the wish to forget it.”

 

Why does the past abruptly and very cleverly disrupt our life?

It takes the good moments and sours them quickly.

It brings tears to our eyes and the lonely feeling sets in.

Those angry words, “It’s not fair!” recites over and over in our head, and then we cry some more.

Why do these messages suddenly appear across my phone, or my social media pages?  Who really wants to hurt me?

And why would I let them.   The tears stop and I realize that God removed me from that past relationship to save me.

The tears have stopped.  My smile has returned.  I know I am in a better place; living my life:)

Set backs are real.  It’s how we react to them, that can either propel our life forward or keep us stuck where we are.

 

Keep hiking to the top,

 

Kimberly Rae

Our Paths in Life

The breeze is quiet as it catches a few strands of my long hair.  They wisp across my face; like the tickle of a soft feather as it brushes so gently over my face.  The birds are having their own social gathering as I sit peacefully in the old Green Adirondack chair.  The floor beneath my feet is damp from the rain, mixed with wood-chips, pine needles and remnants of hours of fun.

20140716_172009

I reflect upon my morning hike and parallel that journey with life…

The trail started out smooth; a gradual incline.  A 1300 foot elevation gain by the time I would make it to my destination. But nothing I couldn’t handle.  I stopped along the way to take in the beautiful surroundings.  I continued on, only to find myself on a rocky trail.  I had to watch my step.  My journey was beginning to be more challenging.  As I was adjusting to the new terrain – I came to a roadblock.  The large oak had fallen to its death, blocking the trail I was on.

20140716_100612

 

 

I had to make a choice, so I could keep moving forward.  At this point, I needed to tap into my patience, my faith, and my perseverance so I could make it over this hurdle without getting hurt.  I could have taken the easy way and made a path  around it.  But I decided I needed to take some risks and with that, the possibility of being hurt.  I had to start breaking down those walls.  I slowly rolled over the massive log and touched ground on the other side.  Not as hard as I thought:)  As I moved on, the terrain became very rocky.  But as I continued to take baby steps and appreciate my surroundings – my journey became manageable.  I soon found myself walking on smooth ground.

In life, we find ourselves somewhere on this trail.  We are all there at some point in our life.  How we move forward is a choice only we can make.  If we take the time, to make a choice, to make a change – the trail smooths out.

Where are you on your journey?

Keep Hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

 

20140716_101512

The Climb

The day is almost over. It is slowly turning into night.  The evening sky is brightly colored with oranges and blues moving through the scattered clouds that we rarely see in this beautiful dry state of ours. The sunlight peaks through here and there to let us know that it’s not quite ready to let the darkness blanket the sky.

The beautiful majestic Superstitions stare at me as I drive home.  The colors of the sky touch the tips of the mountain that I once climbed.  As the sun sets, the purple hue begins to envelop the rocky mass that lies ahead of me.  I look at it from afar, and marvel at myself for having climbed to the top of such a wondrous beast. And a  beast it was. Just like my journey has been over the past few years.

As I began my climb both in life and on this mountain, I was looking at a straight up shot.  I had to take it slow. I didn’t want to fall.  There were parts when I sailed along, but then I stumbled.  I had to stop and rest a few times. I had to ask myself, “can I do this?”  I was determined and focused.  Yes, I veered off the trail a bit, but I found my way again and in doing so, I learned a little more about me and where I had been.  It didn’t seem as if I had traveled that far but when I looked back to see how far I had come, I was amazed at my journey and the  rugged path that I had so boldly and with faith conquered.  Today, I am sitting at the top of that mountain.  I’m driving my new car facing life head on.  I have come a long way in 2 years.  I am proud of how much I have grown, of the many things I have accomplished, and wonderful friends and family that have added to my happiness!

So when you see that mountain in front of you, don’t walk away. Take it slow, take your time, and heal. And before you know it, you’ll be at the top.  Stay focused, because only you can write the story of your life!

Where does your path lead?

I’ve come a long way baby!!!  So can you:)

Keep Hiking to the Top,

Kimberly Rae

 

Don’t Cage the Butterfly

The beautiful black and orange Monarch flutters by as I freely hike into the unknown.  He seems to be watching over me. Or maybe he’s enjoying the path I chose to take today.  He’s free to come and go as he likes.  I look at my life synonymous to the butterfly.  We all transform throughout our life.  We grow and become different people.  Some more colorful than others, but all out there trying to live their life they way they feel is best.  No one can take that away from them unless…  A little boy sees that beautiful butterfly flying around touching the reds, golds, and greens of the garden, cups his hands around the orange and black and puts the beauty in a jar to admire and watch.  Sadly his freedom is now taken away.  He can only flutter within the confines of the glass jar he was placed in; not by choice.

I find myself in that glass jar today and for a while maybe.   My freedom to roam the many trails just waiting for my footprints are no longer.  I’m trapped in the jar, looking out at all I am missing.  I have air holes.  I can breathe in the fresh air, but I can’t walk in it.  My fragile vertebrae, like the butterfly’s, have fused together.  As I sit here at my computer, the pain ripples up my spine.  My years of adventure and exploring have caught up to me.  The trails will not feel the life I bring, this year.  What are my options?  I feel as if my wings are about to fall off.  I can’t flutter anymore.  I have to look at my life through a different lens.  I won’t let the little boy keep me caged.  I will find a way to be on the trails again, to kayak down a river, to explore the unknown.  This butterfly has a lot more life to live.

My color will flourish.  I will shine again.  The lid will come off and I will fly.  The mountains will feel my footsteps again.

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

2013-07-11 12.15.56

A Love Lost… Where Did it Go??

The cool breeze trickles through my window, as I sit staring off into the night.   It is an abnormally 65 degrees on a Wednesday, in sunny Arizona.  I’m relishing in the cool soft breeze as I know this will be the last for awhile.  I understand why it’s going away.  The earth has rotated.  The sun is in the right place for summer to begin. It’s going to be hot; very hot, here in Arizona.  We won’t see the coolness of the night for a very long time.  But I know it will return, with the falling of the leaves.

What I don’t know and what I don’t understand is why people who say they love us so much, hurt us the most.  They say they need space and then they leave, for something far less than you.   The love they had for us got lost somewhere.  What does that mean???

I dry my eyes from the tears that I shed moments ago.  My children are hurting.  I want to fix their pain; I want to take it away.  But I can’t.

What do you tell your six foot three son who is cradled in your arms crying because the woman he loved so much cheated on him?  You let him cry and you listen.  Because you know what it’s like to go through that.  You’ve been there.  And as you cry with him, that old hurt and pain begins to surface as he tells you the lies she has deceived him with.  You’ve heard them all before and you know she isn’t going to come back but you can’t tell him that, not yet anyway.  He will figure it out in his own time.  I, as all mothers would do, will continue to be there for him.

My daughter, who has struggled through life, found a man that she could truly love with all her being. She smiled and laughed with genuine sincerity.  I was so thrilled that this wonderful man loved my daughter so much.  But the happiness that radiated from her may not return with the falling of the leaves.   He too, needs his space and may have fallen to someone far less than the amazing woman, I call my daughter.  Again, the same words, the same stories, the same lies.  “He says, he just wants to work it out, but he still loves me.”  As I nod my head whispering to myself, I know, I know.  She cries some more and just doesn’t know how she is going to live without him.

I reacted.  Only within the confines of my 4 walls.  I screamed and cursed the 3 of them.  Those hurt feelings came back so quickly.  Does anyone work on relationships anymore or do they just walk away and take the easy way out?  No one puts any effort into love and all that should come with it.  They just try on another shoe.  And even if it doesn’t fit so well and is a little tattered they try to make it fit, because now its too late  to  take back the one they ignored and shoved in the closet.  The one that shined when they were around.  The one that was true and loyal and would have never left.  We shouldn’t take on the victim role. Because really, we are not the victims.  They are victims of their own stupidity and poor choices.  We, (my children) will pick up the pieces and move on.  I’m hoping that my healing can be an example for them to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move forward.  I can only be there for them and continue to pray for the strength they will need to take the next step.

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Somewhere Over the Rainbow…

Somewhere over the rainbow…  I know it’s just a song, but how many of us grew up with the notion that dreams really do come true?   Yours truly:)  Yes, I know, I’m a hopeless romantic. I blame my parents, they made me watch the Wizard of Oz every year it came on.  My mother read me every fairytale.  I was in love with  princes.  They would always rescue me when my life got rough and I got scared.  My dreams saved me.  And then reality hit.  “What do you mean there aren’t any handsome princes????”  Who is going to save me???  Ahhh, the burning question.  The answer is, I have to save myself.  I  can’t  depend on someone else or a fictional dream. That has only confused my psyche on what is real and what is pretend.

In my last relationship, I always said he was my handsome prince.  He rescued me from my self-doubt, pity, you name it.  I fell in love deeply.  Like I did in my dreams.  I had my fairytale, so I thought.  Or was I just living in a false reality?

I find myself still sitting at the beginning of the rainbow.  I want a relationship, I think I’m ready for one, but nothing is happening.  I can’t seem to take a step.  A friend sent me the saying below and it gave me a jolt.  He is still on my mind.  Not on purpose.  I don’t want him to be.  I have moved on.  I go about my life doing many things.  So why is he still in the deep recesses of my thoughts??

Screenshot_2014-03-20-17-09-41~2

Is this why I can’t seem to get to the other side?  I think he will always  have a special place in my heart.  He was my prince after all:)  But I can go on.  I have gone on.  I don’t want him back.  The man he has become is not someone I would even entertain.    Maybe I’m afraid to see what is  on the other side of the rainbow.  I must be guarding my heart.  I have to take the armor off or I’ll never get to the other side.  Then I think, maybe I had my one chance at true love and that is all I get.   I guess I’ll never know until I tear the walls down and start journeying over that rainbow.  God has my back.  I do believe he has a great plan for me.  I secretly hope  someone to share my life with is part of the plan:):)

 

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true.”

I’ll keep you posted:):)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Moving Forward and Accepting the Past.

 

Time has passed.

you left my world,

my space, my heart

but…

you are still here.

Part of you will always be with me.

I struggle with this,

but I have moved on.

 

You sneak into my thoughts;

my dreams

and my existence

in ways I do not understand. 

 

I miss your words, your sense of adventure,

your inspirational spirit,

but I have moved on.

 

I believe you are my soul-mate

But sadly, YOU have moved on. 

And I have accepted that:)

Life is ever changing

and My life is pretty awesome!!

 

Kimberly Rae

 

Facing the Storm’s in Life

Have you ever come to a point in your life when you knew something was missing?  You felt an emptiness, a void that you could not explain?

I can’t put my finger on any one thing, but my life is in limbo.  It is an unsettling place to be.  I trust God has a plan for me and I want to do what he feels is right for where I am in my life.

My interview for teaching in the middle east is this Wednesday.  The work getting to this point has been overwhelming at times and costly.  My passport went missing on Thursday.  It mysteriously vanished from my documents folder.  Not sure if someone took it or what happened.  I am just going to chalk it up to the nastiness (from someone I don’t even know) that has been plaguing me the past 2 years.  Because I can’t explain that either.  Onward and forward I move.  I have applied for an expedited passport at an ex-orbited amount of $400.00.  The paperwork and time involved in this is more than I had expected.  Again, doing my best to stay positive.

At this point I do not know what direction my life is going until I know if I am going to Abu Dhabi or not.  I know I have to move from my current place of residence either way.  So… do I pack to move out of the country and store my things, or do I pack to move to another apartment?

As I contemplate all of this, the question remains; what is missing in my life?  A new adventure?  A man (the right man) to share my life with?  A different job?   I don’t know.  I am kind of free falling right now, and I just have to trust that God will catch me when my new journey has revealed itself.

All I know is that my journey is going to take a new path.  Change has to happen for growth to take place.  I’m not afraid of change because I know God has my back.   So… I am going to head into the storm  and face what I have to in order to grow.

The story below is a good one and one I take out and read from time to time.  I found it again to today.  I think I was meant to find it:)  Maybe it will speak to you:)

“An old cowboy said he had learned life’s most important lessons from Hereford cows.  All his life he had worked cattle ranches where winter storms took a heavy toll among the herds.  Freezing rains whipped across the prairies.  Howling, bitter winds piled snow into enormous drifts.  Temperatures might drop quickly to below zero degrees. Flying ice cut into the flesh.  In this maelstrom of natures’ violence most cattle would turn their backs to the ice blasts and slowly drift downwind, mile upon mile.  Finally, intercepted by a boundary fence, they would pile up against the barrier and die by the scores.

“But the Herefords acted differently. Cattle of this breed would instinctively head into the windward end of the range.  There they would stand shoulder-to-shoulder facing the storm’s blast, heads down against its onslaught.

“‘You always found the Herefords alive and well, ‘ said the cowboy.  ‘I guess it’s the greatest lesson I ever learned on the prairies –just face life’s storms”

Similarly, if we face up to our individual adversities or hardships, they can become a source of blessing.  God will not give us adversities we cannot handle, and he will bless us richly for patiently doing the best we can in the circumstances.

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae