Just Friends

The sweet smell of cinnamon and sugar engulf the small space I call my writing corner. I miss having an office.  The scent of a candle can bring back memories, brighten up a mood, or take you to another place where no one can find you.  I am going to another place.  In my mind anyway.

There are days I understand life and all that it gives and others where it just doesn’t make sense.  This is a “doesn’t make sense”  kind of day.

It was my birthday yesterday.  Even though I was overpowered with birthday wishes, there was one I didn’t get.  One I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to get.

Why can’t men and women just be friends?  I have always had male friends; married, with a girlfriend, didn’t matter.  I had no romantic interest in them.  They were just great friends.  But society and insecure women don’t see it that way.  If they have someone in their life you can’t be talking with them.  WHY NOT???  I’m not trying to take them from who they have.  I would never do that.  I’ve been on the other of that.  It is so nice talking to a man.  They don’t judge you, criticize you, they say it like is and you don’t have to second guess them.  Amazing!!!

That pit in your stomach, the “I don’t feel like eating,”  the emptiness in your heart is all that I am feeling right now.  I had to give my friend up.  He can no longer talk to me, email me, or call me.  Society has deemed it isn’t right.  I have known him since college.  I know people come and go in our lives, but I will miss him.  I do miss him… and he misses me.   But I do understand. His happiness is more important to me.  I know we will always be friends in our hearts.

Always hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

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The Unspoken Words are Felt the Most

Did you every say or do something you wish you could take back?  That impulsive thought, action, that once given and received cannot be retrieved. Why do we do that?  Actually why do I do that?  I keep saying I won’t do that again.  I will give it a day before I respond or react.  But I don’t.  I’m not talking about something that would hurt someone or belittle them.  No… These are words of love and kindness that were not taken or interrupted correctly by the recipient.  Their response to me was like a knife being jabbed into my stomach and twisted  around. It reminded me of a time I don’t care to remember.   And then you begin to over think it and interrupt it many ways;  which is so asinine.   Words are just words; without action behind them, they don’t mean much.  But when you are a few thousand miles away, you find yourself attaching to every word, because that is all you have.

Being single for 3 years, has put me in a vulnerable place.  I long for that stimulating conversation with a male friend.  And I mean a friend.  Reconnecting with my old friend has helped me see some things in my life from a different perspective.  It has helped me let go of some things I didn’t realize I was holding on to.  So it saddens me that I may have lost this friend due to misinterpretation using social media.  But you know what…  If  we never speak again, I will always remember this past week.  He opened my eyes and helped rekindle my inner spirit and for that, I am grateful.  Sometimes people step into our lives for just a short while to get you on your new path.   I know I touched his life as well:)

 

“If  unspoken words are felt, then you have connected.”  ~ Kimberly Rae

 

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

What is Your Missing Piece?

What is keeping you from moving forward with your life?  A question we all need to ask ourselves from time to time.  Many times we think we are on our way when the quick sand of life keeps dragging us down and we don’t even know it.  And then we wonder why nothing seems to be going right, you’ve lost your focus, your partner leaves you, and life just seems pretty crappy.

We can’t blame others for our messed up reality.  We played a part in there somewhere.  The difficult part is looking deep within to find out what YOUR part was.

What’s holding you back?  It could be small piece you haven’t dealt with or it could be a series of things that you’ve just let go in hopes that it would all go away.

Family is important and when we lose that connection to some of our family our life does suffer.  We say it doesn’t, we blame them, they just don’t get it….  I could go on, couldn’t I?  But that’s a big chunk of who we are.  Pretending they don’t exist or shutting them out of our life is making our life that much better????  I think not.

The hardest part is looking in the mirror, is forgiving, saying your are sorry; all of it.  No one said living your life was going to be a piece of cake.  I am a firm believer that we need to heal the hurt inside of us before we can truly move on.  Is there someone in your life that you need to reconnect with?  Say your sorry to? or Forgive?  Sometimes you just need to let things go in order to reconnect.  Get that part of you that is lost, back.  Don’t say, “It’s not a big deal.” or “He/She won’t listen to me.”  How do you know? They may be hoping you take the first step.   Everything is worth one try at least.

Stand up! Take the first step to get back your missing piece.  Your life is waiting:)9578_10151526738347384_1589932247_n

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

Departing Friends

63098_615062635188303_103027800_nI sat atop the tall red chair in the front of my classroom. I began to read a page in a book that has a great message about life.  I’m always sharing life lessons with my students. I think I chose this one because I was struggling with it in my life.  Words can hurt more than we know.   The words were coming out of my mouth but I wasn’t hearing them.  The colors in the room began to run together and instead of 29 students I was seeing  numerous heads attached to one body.  I fell to the floor or gracefully put myself there.  29 caring young boys and girls came running over to me.  In that moment I felt so needy but yet so loved.

Why was this happening to me?  I was perfectly fine this morning.  As I look back at the week, I realize I didn’t sleep well, and I was gone almost every night; I think trying to escape what was really going on.  It is easy to say “Let things go” and I say it a lot to myself and others, but we are only human and sometimes our emotions take over.  I think our bodies have a way of telling us when we need to slow down and take a look at where we are at and what is taking over our thoughts. I’m going to be sad for a moment.  We are allowed to be sad, we just can’t linger too long or it will over take our emotions and ability to keep moving forward.  So just before I fell into a deep sleep, I shed a few tears and let the emotions flow out.  I took my moment:)  I slept for 4 hours.   I woke up refreshed, but I needed to deal with the WHY of it all.

 

I know that when you lose someone in your life, some of your friends will go with them.  But that already happened. It’s been almost 2 years. I have forgiven and moved on.  But when  negative things about you start to surface in your work place and from people you are still friends with, It is hard to let that go.  When you work in the same school district as the person you were with, things get back to you.  Hurtful words coming from him; still hurt.  I have lost 3 friends in the past month because of those words.  I know if those people were meant to still be in my life God would have kept them there.  We are human.  I don’t think it matters how old we are, slanderous words still have an effect on us.  But then we need to learn from that, don’t we?

 

As I sit here on this Friday night, I am missing the friend I was supposed to be entertaining.  It saddens me that he would believe what he has heard and that the person from my past has to make me look bad to exist in his messed up reality.  I would never do that to him.  I guess I expected more from a man who truly did love me at one time.  The barrage  of things thrown at me this week were maybe a little more than my psyche could handle.  Sleep is such  a great elixir;  isn’t’ it?  It gives your thoughts and emotions a break.  I think I just needed to shut down for a while.

I always find my focus and my center on the trail.  I look forward to tomorrow when I hit the rim country with a friend, to be one with nature and the beauty that will surround us.

479696_234370956697857_657315989_n God knows what he is doing in my life and I accept that.  My light will continue to shine as I wear my scars proudly, to show that I have healed.  My armor is strong;  I have pulled out the bullets that tried to penetrate my heart.  He cannot touch me anymore.  I am Titanium.

So farewell to my friends who have moved on as I welcome in the new, that may not have crossed my path yet.

God is watching over me and He’s brought me to where I need to be:)

 

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

Are You Looking on the Bright Side of Life?

As a teacher, I like to share with my students lessons in life.  Lessons they can take with them and hopefully remember the rest of their life.  I have past students who have found me and brought up some of those lessons that I shared with them. They have thanked me for the things I taught them and my positive outlook on life.  After 29  years in the classroom, I haven’t stopped sharing.

Let me share with you some of the lessons I have shared over time:

To stay positive in life, you need to surround yourself with positive people.  Get rid of the toxic friends that only bring you down. Sometimes “cleaning out your closet” so to speak, is the first step to bringing on that daily smile.  I always say, what you give you get, what you sow, you reap, and what goes around comes around.  My students understand what that means.  When you’re hurting, depressed, or just confused about life, I know this isn’t always easy. The negativism coming forth verbally and non verbally from our pain is enough to keep people away.   Laughter is always the best medicine.  I use it in my classroom and with friends.  I love to laugh; it lifts the spirits and soothes the soul.  I even laugh at myself:)

Feeling Worthy.  We are all worthy of great things in our life; a great job, great friendships, great relationships, Joy, peace,  and the list goes on.  We accept the things in life we feel we deserve.  If you feel you don’t deserve much then that is what you get.  Look at the path you are on now. Are you getting all you deserve?  Or are you stuck in a job, or a relationship that isn’t worthy of who you really are?  Again, don’t let those negative people in your life keep you from a positive self-worth.

Trying to be perfect:  Who is perfect?  If we continue to strive for that we lose sight of the journey and the great things that are happening along the way.  You don’t have to be perfect or anywhere near it to have any self-worth.  We are hard on ourselves.  But don’t judge.  Learn from your mistakes, your stumbles, and trips;  forgive yourself and forgive others and move on:)

Be thankful.  I say this many times in my classroom and with people I know and meet.  I look at what the Lord has given me and put in front of me and I am thankful everyday.  And yes, sometimes he has to hit me over the head with a brick to hear him and to learn from what is right in front of me, but I do get it.  Listen.  We don’t always appreciate what we have and just want more or something different.  Then, after it is too late, we realize we had the good thing all along.  Emotional greed and financial greed really don’t get us anywhere.  Be thankful for what you have.  The littlest things can bring you joy if you take the time to see it.

When I am having a day that isn’t so great, I have to ask myself, “What am I missing?  What am I not seeing?”  We can’t focus our energies on our pain or what someone said or didn’t say.  That is when the negativity creeps in and then it takes over and we are miserable.  Is it worth it?  Let it go.  Be happy; smile, laugh, and bring joy to others.  Pretty soon, you’ll be smiling on the inside:)

“The optimist already sees the scar over the wound; the pessimist still sees the wound underneath the scar. ~Ernst Schroder

Stay positive and as always ~ Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae