Patience!!

20160628_114749

 

“Things come to us not when we want them, but when we are ready.”

Patience is a virtue…so they say.   I’m not sure that was passed down through my genetic makeup.  Oh, I suppose there is some swishing around in there somewhere.  It does come out now and then.  But today… it has taken a holiday, and I’m not sure when it’s returning.

I do my best each morning to wake up with a grateful heart, a smile on my face, and the motivation to make it a great day!!!  But today, and maybe a little yesterday… It seems to have escaped me.  I seem to be standing at a huge fork in the road.  My journey has stalled; taken a rest… I don’t know, but I’m stuck; frozen at a point in my life where I should be confident and moving forward.

My summer took me to places I didn’t think I would ever see.   I climbed the highest peak in Oahu.  I swam in the bluest water you have ever seen.  I tasted food beyond my wildest imagination… I was living and loving my life.  But…as wonderful as my trips were… I didn’t have anyone to share it with.  I wanted to be sitting on Sunset beach with that special person in my life.  I wanted to laugh and discover with them.  I wanted someone’s shoulder to lean on, on the long flight home.   After 5 years of being single, is God saying I am still not ready?? Does Karma really exist?  I keep asking myself if I have done something not to deserve a good man in my life.  I keep asking God, what else am I supposed to learn?

I’ve grown to love myself and to be happy with just me.  The scar I wear proudly from my last relationship… remains just that… a Scar.  It has healed over and I have moved forward.  I’m ready!!! So I think.

So what else God??  Are you still trying to teach me about patience?  I know I’ve stumbled a bit over the past 5 years, but I’m still here; wishing and wanting to share my life with the person you have waiting for me; or maybe there isn’t someone.  Maybe I am just supposed to embrace being single and that’s how it’s going to be.

So give me that little nudge. Push me in the right direction.  You may need to hold my hand at first, but I’ll keep moving forward, because I have never lost my faith in YOU.

As always… Keep hiking to the top!!!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

Erasing the Bad Stuff

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory, as the wish to forget it.”

 

Why does the past abruptly and very cleverly disrupt our life?

It takes the good moments and sours them quickly.

It brings tears to our eyes and the lonely feeling sets in.

Those angry words, “It’s not fair!” recites over and over in our head, and then we cry some more.

Why do these messages suddenly appear across my phone, or my social media pages?  Who really wants to hurt me?

And why would I let them.   The tears stop and I realize that God removed me from that past relationship to save me.

The tears have stopped.  My smile has returned.  I know I am in a better place; living my life:)

Set backs are real.  It’s how we react to them, that can either propel our life forward or keep us stuck where we are.

 

Keep hiking to the top,

 

Kimberly Rae

Our Paths in Life

The breeze is quiet as it catches a few strands of my long hair.  They wisp across my face; like the tickle of a soft feather as it brushes so gently over my face.  The birds are having their own social gathering as I sit peacefully in the old Green Adirondack chair.  The floor beneath my feet is damp from the rain, mixed with wood-chips, pine needles and remnants of hours of fun.

20140716_172009

I reflect upon my morning hike and parallel that journey with life…

The trail started out smooth; a gradual incline.  A 1300 foot elevation gain by the time I would make it to my destination. But nothing I couldn’t handle.  I stopped along the way to take in the beautiful surroundings.  I continued on, only to find myself on a rocky trail.  I had to watch my step.  My journey was beginning to be more challenging.  As I was adjusting to the new terrain – I came to a roadblock.  The large oak had fallen to its death, blocking the trail I was on.

20140716_100612

 

 

I had to make a choice, so I could keep moving forward.  At this point, I needed to tap into my patience, my faith, and my perseverance so I could make it over this hurdle without getting hurt.  I could have taken the easy way and made a path  around it.  But I decided I needed to take some risks and with that, the possibility of being hurt.  I had to start breaking down those walls.  I slowly rolled over the massive log and touched ground on the other side.  Not as hard as I thought:)  As I moved on, the terrain became very rocky.  But as I continued to take baby steps and appreciate my surroundings – my journey became manageable.  I soon found myself walking on smooth ground.

In life, we find ourselves somewhere on this trail.  We are all there at some point in our life.  How we move forward is a choice only we can make.  If we take the time, to make a choice, to make a change – the trail smooths out.

Where are you on your journey?

Keep Hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

 

20140716_101512

The Climb

The day is almost over. It is slowly turning into night.  The evening sky is brightly colored with oranges and blues moving through the scattered clouds that we rarely see in this beautiful dry state of ours. The sunlight peaks through here and there to let us know that it’s not quite ready to let the darkness blanket the sky.

The beautiful majestic Superstitions stare at me as I drive home.  The colors of the sky touch the tips of the mountain that I once climbed.  As the sun sets, the purple hue begins to envelop the rocky mass that lies ahead of me.  I look at it from afar, and marvel at myself for having climbed to the top of such a wondrous beast. And a  beast it was. Just like my journey has been over the past few years.

As I began my climb both in life and on this mountain, I was looking at a straight up shot.  I had to take it slow. I didn’t want to fall.  There were parts when I sailed along, but then I stumbled.  I had to stop and rest a few times. I had to ask myself, “can I do this?”  I was determined and focused.  Yes, I veered off the trail a bit, but I found my way again and in doing so, I learned a little more about me and where I had been.  It didn’t seem as if I had traveled that far but when I looked back to see how far I had come, I was amazed at my journey and the  rugged path that I had so boldly and with faith conquered.  Today, I am sitting at the top of that mountain.  I’m driving my new car facing life head on.  I have come a long way in 2 years.  I am proud of how much I have grown, of the many things I have accomplished, and wonderful friends and family that have added to my happiness!

So when you see that mountain in front of you, don’t walk away. Take it slow, take your time, and heal. And before you know it, you’ll be at the top.  Stay focused, because only you can write the story of your life!

Where does your path lead?

I’ve come a long way baby!!!  So can you:)

Keep Hiking to the Top,

Kimberly Rae

 

Don’t Cage the Butterfly

The beautiful black and orange Monarch flutters by as I freely hike into the unknown.  He seems to be watching over me. Or maybe he’s enjoying the path I chose to take today.  He’s free to come and go as he likes.  I look at my life synonymous to the butterfly.  We all transform throughout our life.  We grow and become different people.  Some more colorful than others, but all out there trying to live their life they way they feel is best.  No one can take that away from them unless…  A little boy sees that beautiful butterfly flying around touching the reds, golds, and greens of the garden, cups his hands around the orange and black and puts the beauty in a jar to admire and watch.  Sadly his freedom is now taken away.  He can only flutter within the confines of the glass jar he was placed in; not by choice.

I find myself in that glass jar today and for a while maybe.   My freedom to roam the many trails just waiting for my footprints are no longer.  I’m trapped in the jar, looking out at all I am missing.  I have air holes.  I can breathe in the fresh air, but I can’t walk in it.  My fragile vertebrae, like the butterfly’s, have fused together.  As I sit here at my computer, the pain ripples up my spine.  My years of adventure and exploring have caught up to me.  The trails will not feel the life I bring, this year.  What are my options?  I feel as if my wings are about to fall off.  I can’t flutter anymore.  I have to look at my life through a different lens.  I won’t let the little boy keep me caged.  I will find a way to be on the trails again, to kayak down a river, to explore the unknown.  This butterfly has a lot more life to live.

My color will flourish.  I will shine again.  The lid will come off and I will fly.  The mountains will feel my footsteps again.

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

2013-07-11 12.15.56

A Love Lost… Where Did it Go??

The cool breeze trickles through my window, as I sit staring off into the night.   It is an abnormally 65 degrees on a Wednesday, in sunny Arizona.  I’m relishing in the cool soft breeze as I know this will be the last for awhile.  I understand why it’s going away.  The earth has rotated.  The sun is in the right place for summer to begin. It’s going to be hot; very hot, here in Arizona.  We won’t see the coolness of the night for a very long time.  But I know it will return, with the falling of the leaves.

What I don’t know and what I don’t understand is why people who say they love us so much, hurt us the most.  They say they need space and then they leave, for something far less than you.   The love they had for us got lost somewhere.  What does that mean???

I dry my eyes from the tears that I shed moments ago.  My children are hurting.  I want to fix their pain; I want to take it away.  But I can’t.

What do you tell your six foot three son who is cradled in your arms crying because the woman he loved so much cheated on him?  You let him cry and you listen.  Because you know what it’s like to go through that.  You’ve been there.  And as you cry with him, that old hurt and pain begins to surface as he tells you the lies she has deceived him with.  You’ve heard them all before and you know she isn’t going to come back but you can’t tell him that, not yet anyway.  He will figure it out in his own time.  I, as all mothers would do, will continue to be there for him.

My daughter, who has struggled through life, found a man that she could truly love with all her being. She smiled and laughed with genuine sincerity.  I was so thrilled that this wonderful man loved my daughter so much.  But the happiness that radiated from her may not return with the falling of the leaves.   He too, needs his space and may have fallen to someone far less than the amazing woman, I call my daughter.  Again, the same words, the same stories, the same lies.  “He says, he just wants to work it out, but he still loves me.”  As I nod my head whispering to myself, I know, I know.  She cries some more and just doesn’t know how she is going to live without him.

I reacted.  Only within the confines of my 4 walls.  I screamed and cursed the 3 of them.  Those hurt feelings came back so quickly.  Does anyone work on relationships anymore or do they just walk away and take the easy way out?  No one puts any effort into love and all that should come with it.  They just try on another shoe.  And even if it doesn’t fit so well and is a little tattered they try to make it fit, because now its too late  to  take back the one they ignored and shoved in the closet.  The one that shined when they were around.  The one that was true and loyal and would have never left.  We shouldn’t take on the victim role. Because really, we are not the victims.  They are victims of their own stupidity and poor choices.  We, (my children) will pick up the pieces and move on.  I’m hoping that my healing can be an example for them to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move forward.  I can only be there for them and continue to pray for the strength they will need to take the next step.

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

Lingering Thoughts

The cool breeze whispers

through the slightly open window.

The clouds are lingering

and the wind chime sings it’s sweet song.

Memories of you sneak into my thoughts

as they do from time to time:)

You gave me eyes to see.

I was blinded by my past.

and you opened my world… and I fell in.

 

We are on two separate paths you and I.

I, knowing where I’m going; YOU??

 

Our paths may never cross or meet again.

But you’ll always be able to find me in your words.;)

Kimberly Rae

 

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Thank You 2013!!!

The ornaments slowly come off the tree, one by one, as they are individually wrapped, each holding its own memory from Christmas’s past.  I wrap them even more carefully as they will be snug in their box for a few years; they will not be hanging on any tree.

2013 has been a year to remember.  A year of growth and adventures.  A year of loss and lessons learned.  A year of  letting go of things and people who only God can take care of.  As we are the architects of our own life, I choose to keep building mine.

When I started this blog, I was barely able to see the light of day, to take the next step, to get out of bed, to smile.   The torment and the harassment over the past few years has only strengthened me and my faith in the Lord.  Instead of retaliating I wrote.  I didn’t share half of what I had been through, but I did share the lessons I had learned from it all and hopefully reaching some of you.  Life isn’t about revenge or getting back.  It’s about giving, loving, and forgiving.  I’m not saying it didn’t hurt, but I didn’t let it break my building down.  The one I so lovingly had begun to rebuild.

God has shown me many small miracles this past year.  I live in the moment and cherish my time that He has given me.  I volunteer, I shine my light and try to light up a sad face when I can.  My students always brighten up my day.  And here I was a little afraid to teach those little 2nd graders.  But God knew it was what I needed.  I have learned so much from that experience.

All of this has brought me to this place; to my new adventure.  All my belongings will be packed away.  I will be going to another country to teach.  As I continue to build my life, I have decided this is the best way to exit my career as a teacher in the public school system.  After 29 years in the classroom, I know I have touched many lives.  I want to take my experience and love for children to another place.  I want to make a difference somewhere else.  I know I will learn and grow from this new adventure.  God has so wonderfully put me on this path.  He has given me the confidence, strength, and courage to build my life even higher.

As much as I have learned this past year, the most important, is my total faith in the Lord.  I don’t fear anything.  I live my life to the fullest and smile on all those who have come and gone in my life.

May you reach out, reach high and go for it.  2014 will be an awesome year!!!

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

Happy New year!!

As always, Keep hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

 

Facing Change!

The light from the bathroom window peaks under the door as I lay in my bed at 2:16 in the morning.  I’m wide awake.  Why?  I ask myself.  The room is quiet.  I talk to God for a while.  I feel confident my mother’s surgery will go well, my daughter is safe in New York and my son is doing great so… Why am I staring at the fan blades as they rotate around over and over?

Life is ever-changing.  I think when we begin to get into a rut, God/the universe wakes us up with something we may not like to get our attention.  You have all seen my transformation from where I started to where I am now and I have grown through change and made it to the other side; but I’m still climbing that mountain.  I’ve been hit with more change than I want to deal with now.  I can’t run away from it, or brush it aside; it’s still going to be there.  I think it’s natural to want to run away sometimes.  It’s times like these you wish you had someone to hold you.

As always, I find solace in my hiking trips.   They help center me and help give me more of a focus on what I need to do.  This weekend as I venture into the rim country, I will attempt to find my focus.  There are some days (like today) I wish I was just lost in the woods where no one can find me; the creek is running and the trout are jumping.  The trees make their own sound as the wind rustles through them.  Music to my ears!  Alright!! Back to reality:(

Life deals us a hand every day.  We can choose to play it or not.  If we don’t, we are playing it safe and life isn’t going to take us very far.    Taking risks is a part of change and growth; scary as it may be at times, it lets you know you’re alive and that you can do anything you put your mind to.  

So life is dealing me a few hands here.  And I’m just not wrapping my head around one of them.  That is teaching 2nd grade for the first time in my life, in the last year of my career.  I don’t agree with the decision to move me there.  But I have no say in the matter.  I don’t want to say, “I don’t have a choice” because we all have a choice no matter what we are faced with.  I could just quit.  But then I wouldn’t have an income, so that won’t work for me.  The negative energy that this whole situation is giving off doesn’t work well for me.  So… I guess I just need to embrace it, accept it, and move on.  One more year!!  I can do this.

As I was writing this a friend of mine called and gave me some positive ways to look at this new change in my life.  Thank you to him for his words.

I purposely wore my read dress today to feel energized and ready to take on what ever came my way.  It always helps when I wear red.  I feel empowered:)

So as my day comes to a close I feel good.  I have so much to be thankful for, I shouldn’t feel any other way!  I can still hear the stream flow and the fish jumping!

 

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae