Lingering Thoughts

The cool breeze whispers

through the slightly open window.

The clouds are lingering

and the wind chime sings it’s sweet song.

Memories of you sneak into my thoughts

as they do from time to time:)

You gave me eyes to see.

I was blinded by my past.

and you opened my world… and I fell in.

 

We are on two separate paths you and I.

I, knowing where I’m going; YOU??

 

Our paths may never cross or meet again.

But you’ll always be able to find me in your words.;)

Kimberly Rae

 

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Christmas Magic*****

As the remains of Thanksgiving sit in zip lock bags and in numerous containers of Tupperware in the fridge, the Christmas season unfolds.  The gold, yellows and browns are tucked carefully away as we pull out those red and green containers full of Christmas Magic!

The tree is trimmed, the shopping begins and the house is adorned with magical colors of the season; and we wish upon the star at the top of the tree for some Christmas magic!!  Or maybe a miracle.

What is Christmas magic?  Does it really exist?  For some, it could just be the feeling this time of year gives you.  It could be the smile on a young child’s face when they see Santa, or maybe the music that seems to be heard everywhere to remind us of this special time of year.  I suppose it is different for all.  But for me, it is about the first gift of Christmas.  And what is that you might be thinking.  It is  a child; our Lord Jesus Christ.

Children are gifts from above.  I truly believe that.  We never know how long those gifts will stay with us on earth, so we need to treasure them every minute; never knowing when they might not be with us anymore.

My Christmas wish, magic, or miracle for this year, came early.  I have prayed for my daughter to find happiness; to smile again; to laugh, and just to enjoy her life.  I look at all the wonderful miracles God has given me over the years and now it’s her time.  Talking with her yesterday, her voice was smiling; the happiness came bounding through the phone, and she was laughing.  “Mom, I have never been more happy, than I am now.  Thank you for helping me get to where I am and for believing in me.”  The tears flowed from my smiling eyes.  I thanked God, over and over.  The joy in my heart is more than I can express.  So… I’m good.  I have all I want and appreciate the little I have, because my daughter sees life through a much happier lens:)

So, if you’re skeptical  and you don’t quite believe, then open your eyes.  The Christmas magic is all around you.  You just have to believe that anything  is possible!!

Blessings to all of you this Christmas Season!

Kimberly Rae

On the Edge of Christmas

The pumpkins sitting outside my door found a new home today, in the huge dumpster that sits behind my house.  The fall colors still linger inside my carefully decorated home, but the red seems to be making a more positive statement in my decor as if to say, THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!!

Thanksgiving is just around the corner; the holiday movies are already making their debut, and you can’t walk into a store without seeing decorated trees and every kind of decoration you can imagine.

Is it too soon????

Maybe all the hype and hoopla to get you to buy early, but the feeling I get from the holiday season is something I cannot explain.  And maybe you feel the same way.  I wish we could just bottle it up and spread it all over throughout the year.  Why is it that people only feel like giving, helping, and being kind at this time of the year?  Why can’t we be like this all year long?  Just think what the world would be like if we did:)

I decided I’m  going to be that kind, generous person all year long.  It feels good to give and volunteer your time.  I have already been doing that, and I love the feeling I get when I spread joy through my giving to others.

So… as we sit on the edge of Christmas, and all that comes with it, how will you spend the rest of the year? and the months after that?

The best way to live life is to take some risks.  So take a step out of your comfort zone; live a little and spread some joy!  It can only put a smile on your face:)

May the joy the holiday brings, smile upon you all year long:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

 

The End of a Season

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I sit quietly on the edge of the crystal clear spring watching the leaves who have lost their color, fall slowly onto the clear water below.  They remind me of snowflakes drifting from above, not one, like the other.  It’s God‘s way of saying it’s time to move on; Winter is coming.  I take my hiking shoes off and dip my worn feet into it’s coolness.  The leaves go floating by as if little boats on their way to another destination.  It is peaceful; serene.  If I knew no one would chance by, I would take my clothes off and be one with nature and float with the leaves.  Sometimes it’s just fun not knowing where you are going:)  I like that kind of spontaneity.  Which is why I hiked all the way down to the natural springs to find it.  Being in the outdoors always centers me and brings me closer to God.  The beauty here is breathtaking.  Some may not see it that way, as the trees are almost all brown.  A little yellow and orange peak in every now and then, but the vibrant red is no longer.  I see beauty all around me, as I sit here feeling okay, as I am about to embark on the holiday season without that someone special again.  For a moment, I feel a little sad, but it goes away, because I have so much to be thankful for. God has put so much in my life and has allowed me to experience just as much.  I have great family and a few good friends and of course, my undying love for those Hallmark Christmas movies.  LOL  I know, corny and unrealistic.  But the hopeless romantic in me will always be there.  I get joy out of seeing two people find each other in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  It all puts a smile on my face.

The leaves are moving on, the snow will begin to fall and new life will spring up all over again.  And I will be there to see it all unfold.

So… find your peace/joy/happiness this holiday season.  The leaves have fallen, the turkey will show itself soon, and the evergreens will smell so amazing!!!

May you smile everyday this season:):)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Choice, Chance, Change

“Keep walking as long as you can, then take one more step.”  That has been my philosophy for the past 2 years.  The hardest and most challenging can be the “one more step.”

We all have a choice, to take a chance, to change.  If we don’t change, we don’t grow.   Oh… we can rearrange the proverbial box over and over thinking that we are making some great strides in our life, but really… we are just in denial about things we do not want to face.  To change, we need to take the lid off and breathe new air, new life to our boring tired existence.  Because really, we have just been existing.  Is that you?  Do you know of someone like that?  Sadly I do.

If we want to be happy, we have to take the time to learn who we are.  Most of us won’t waste the time to look into ourselves; to dig deep.  Because if we do, we might not like what we see.  But to grow we need to see the good with the bad.  So… when you take the lid of your box, (you know, the one you’ve been living in) it might be a bit scary.  Not Halloween scary, or spooky scary but scary non the less.  You have to face what you see, experience, feel.  You cannot run away or back into your box, that is the easy way out and what a lot of us do. We let our fears drive us and sometimes define us.   We go back to our comfort zone and we don’t deal with our shit.  And so, there we are again, back to rearranging our box and pretending that we have changed, progressed, moved one; whatever you want to call it.

I know I have made drastic changes in my life.  The lid came off immediately.  I wasn’t going to stay locked up in a box alone.  I knew I had to find myself.  It took time and that “one more step”  many times.   I made the choice, and I took the chance, to change my life.

I find myself at a crossroads again.  I’m still living way outside of the box, but I feel an emptiness in my life.  I need to push through any fears I have and just go for it.  So I applied to teach in Africa; yes Africa.  It is a bit scary, but exciting at the same time.  I feel it is the adventure I need to move even further in my life.  It’s that “one more step”  and as I said, it can be the hardest one.  I will be away for 2 years.  I can come back once a year.  I feel it is the direction that God is wanting for me.

As  much as I would love to share my life with someone, I feel it isn’t in God’s plan right now.  Going to another country, somewhere I do not know, will allow me to find more of who I am.  I trust in the Lord and that he knows what is best for me.

So… if you want to change your life look for the good things God has put in front of you and more will come your way.  You have to find your happiness from within; until you do, you will just be rearranging the inside of the box.

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Living Your Life!

The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.
The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.

My summer adventures are in full swing.  I have to say, I live for these times when I can get out and explore the beauty in places you would never find unless you were to go off the beaten path.  I’ve always been one to take the road less traveled:)   I love meeting new people, finding new trails, and just the peacefulness that seems to surround my every day existence.

I just came back from Colorado as I mentioned in my earlier post.  I was reacquainted with a friend from high school; it was as if we had never been apart for 30 years.  I ventured out to places I hadn’t seen and to some I had been to before.

I was amazed at  how I was able to remember every little store, trail, road he and I had been on 4 years ago.  I realized that when you love someone that much those special moments are imprinted in your brain.  I am glad to have had that time with him and know that I truly did love at least once on my life; good memories to look back on from time to time.

I found my desire to move to Colorado only heightened while I was there.  I felt so at peace.  I have always visualized myself living there.  The pictures on my fridge tell that story.  Will I end up there?  I don’t know.  I’m continually drawn there; I’m not sure why.  I see many doors/paths in front of me.  I have many options, I’m just not sure which one to take.  So I ask God to help me.  I think it is pretty amazing that I have options; when just a few years ago I didn’t see any.

I love the hike.  I love  the smells of the wooded floor; the pine trees as they move with the wind; and the prairie grasses as they ripple like a calm ocean wave.  The feeling of being one with nature gives me a natural high that I cannot explain.

The journey I am on now is a good one:)  I feel at peace and confident in where I’m going.  I am creating new moments to cherish and remember; all by myself:)  I know who I am; and that is a huge accomplishment.

On to my next adventure… to be continued

Enjoy the pictures

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae                                                                    2013-06-26 08.40.00

2013-06-23 12.34.58 2013-06-23 13.51.14 2013-06-23 14.10.30 2013-06-26 08.22.57 2013-06-26 08.36.46

It’s a Guy Thing?

To all my followers and blogging friends out there, I find myself in a bit of a quandary.  Not sure quandary is the right word, but it works for now.

I have put myself back out into dating world.  Not that I’m out there looking, I just know I’m ready if someone should find me:)  What I am finding is that only older men are attracted to me.  Men too old for me.  All very nice and I have enjoyed conversing with them, but then they want more and well, I don’t.  There just isn’t anything there.  If they just wanted to be friends, I would be fine with that.  There has to be a spark; something that warrants more interest or pursuit.

So last weekend as I was hiking with a group I go with, the older man of the group of course attaches himself to me.  He stays by me the entire 9 miles in the canyon.  We had a great conversation, I enjoyed his company, but that is as far as it goes for me. He continued to hit on me even after the hike and has invited me on a few others through the meet-up group.  So now I have signed up for a big hike this Sunday and he is now going.  I am not comfortable.  I feel like I have to avoid what I want to do because he isn’t giving up on me.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings.  What do I do????

Now, on the other hand I managed to talk with a few other men, more my age (and who I wouldn’t mind getting to know.) As we hiked along the rugged trail, I found  out they had girlfriends and other things about them that led to some great conversation.    So I asked them why their girlfriends were not out here with them.  They said this wasn’t their thing.  I responded with “Yeah, but it’s your thing and something you like to do all the time. Doesn’t that get in the way of your relationship?”  They replied with, “We have to make it work, or else we will be alone.”  Then they asked me where my significant other was, I told them he hadn’t found me yet.  LOL.  I said I wasn’t going to settle.  That who ever I find or who finds me will have to enjoy the outdoors as much as me. This is where I spend a good deal of my time. Am I wrong in my thinking here?   They asked me if I liked being alone.  I chuckled as I responded, “I’m not alone. and you wouldn’t be either.”  Why don’t they see this?  These are intelligent men I am talking to here.  Do they really think they need a woman to complete them?  To me that is a form of insecurity.  Again, CONFUSED!

So, is this just a guy thing It seems to me that guys settle because they don’t know how to be on their own.  I am not including all men in that assumption, but the ones I’ve met seem to follow it.  Why is that?  I don’t understand.  I agree you have to work on any relationship, but make it work?  NO.  If you have to make something work, that’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  It isn’t going to happen unless you shave off some of the corners and push it through.  Then what do you have?  A lost identity. It wasn’t the right fit to begin with.  I would rather be where I am at now, knowing who I am and enjoying my life, than not sure who I am and settling for someone who is just OK.

I want to naturally fit with someone.  I had it once.  I hope I can find it again.  God has someone for me.   I am being very patient and enjoying the journey:)

Any feedback or suggestions welcome!!

Keep hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

hiking supes

Anxiety… A Faith Battle

We are all anxious from time to time. When something devastating happens we become worried about the outcome; those are situational moments and they do not consume our everyday existence.

When we let ANXIETY consume our daily lives, it has many effects on us that keep us from really living our lives. Let me share a few with you:
* It is a distraction
* You cannot focus
* It slows you down
* It affects your personal relationships
* It is a waste of time
* It leads to unwise decisions especially in relationships
* It takes away your joy and peace

I battled with anxiety over the past year and a half. I knew I hadn’t dealt with it because I kept talking about my situation over and over. I didn’t feel the joy and peace in my life on a daily basis. Although I didn’t rush into another relationship (like many do) I still wasn’t living my life fully.

Why do we give in to our Anxiety?

There are ways to deal with our anxiety. For some, taking a pill to make it all go away seems to be the answer; when in fact we are just masking the real problem. We make excuses and we continue to nurture the anxiety that has taken over our life. WHY?
Don’t deepin what your already into; don’t violate your conscience; don’t “what if” your past. Take the time to deal with your anxiety. It takes courage and faith.

I saw what it was doing to my life. I let certain people and situations affect me, which led to more anxiety. When it got down to the acid test of survival, I knew I had to bring it to God.

ANXIETY IS A FAITH BATTLE!

Since then, my decisions in dealing with life and what has been put in front of me are in God’s hands. My choices and the actions I have taken, especially in the past few weeks, have been at the hand of God. I have let go of all my anxiety. The action I took this week has brought only peace and joy to my life. That chapter in my life has now closed. I lost a few friends along the way, but I know in my heart my actions were genuine and guided by God.

We all have emotions. We can trigger the anger or the kindness. Which one do you choose?
If you want to start living in life, you need to let it go. It really does keep you from moving forward.

I leave you with 2 scriptures that have helped me: Philippians, 4:4-7, and Acts, 18:9-10

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae