Patience!!

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“Things come to us not when we want them, but when we are ready.”

Patience is a virtue…so they say.   I’m not sure that was passed down through my genetic makeup.  Oh, I suppose there is some swishing around in there somewhere.  It does come out now and then.  But today… it has taken a holiday, and I’m not sure when it’s returning.

I do my best each morning to wake up with a grateful heart, a smile on my face, and the motivation to make it a great day!!!  But today, and maybe a little yesterday… It seems to have escaped me.  I seem to be standing at a huge fork in the road.  My journey has stalled; taken a rest… I don’t know, but I’m stuck; frozen at a point in my life where I should be confident and moving forward.

My summer took me to places I didn’t think I would ever see.   I climbed the highest peak in Oahu.  I swam in the bluest water you have ever seen.  I tasted food beyond my wildest imagination… I was living and loving my life.  But…as wonderful as my trips were… I didn’t have anyone to share it with.  I wanted to be sitting on Sunset beach with that special person in my life.  I wanted to laugh and discover with them.  I wanted someone’s shoulder to lean on, on the long flight home.   After 5 years of being single, is God saying I am still not ready?? Does Karma really exist?  I keep asking myself if I have done something not to deserve a good man in my life.  I keep asking God, what else am I supposed to learn?

I’ve grown to love myself and to be happy with just me.  The scar I wear proudly from my last relationship… remains just that… a Scar.  It has healed over and I have moved forward.  I’m ready!!! So I think.

So what else God??  Are you still trying to teach me about patience?  I know I’ve stumbled a bit over the past 5 years, but I’m still here; wishing and wanting to share my life with the person you have waiting for me; or maybe there isn’t someone.  Maybe I am just supposed to embrace being single and that’s how it’s going to be.

So give me that little nudge. Push me in the right direction.  You may need to hold my hand at first, but I’ll keep moving forward, because I have never lost my faith in YOU.

As always… Keep hiking to the top!!!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

Here’s What I Know For Sure…

I know that we have to create our own happiness and let others add to it.

I know that love in it’s purest form is all I need.

I know it isn’t our job to fix people; but to encourage and inspire.

I know that life can beat me down, but it’s how I get up and face it, that strengthens my character.

I know people come and go in my life, but I have learned something from each one of them, and I thank them for that.

I know that men and women can be just friends – and that is okay:)

I know that my life will never change unless I do something I have never done.

I know that living in the moment allows me to see things I might have missed.

I know  that a rose bud that has just opened is the most fragrant as is a new relationship  just beginning to bloom.

I know my children are the best part of me. I am so proud of who they have become.

I know the pain that comes from a love lost and the renewed person that comes from it.

I know that a few good friends out way many.

I know the beauty of the mountains and the quiet of the slow moving stream.

I know God’s love and that he believes in me.

I know that I’m happy and I love my life.

I know the depth of my soul is only as deep as the love I have for myself.

I know that true beauty lies within, not in the cover.

What I do know for sure is every ending has a new beginning – so no  matter where you are at in the circle of life; beginning, middle, or end, make it the best and truly live in each moment that crosses your path.

 

The Journey is the Reward!

Keep hiking to the top.

Kimberly Rae

Our Paths in Life

The breeze is quiet as it catches a few strands of my long hair.  They wisp across my face; like the tickle of a soft feather as it brushes so gently over my face.  The birds are having their own social gathering as I sit peacefully in the old Green Adirondack chair.  The floor beneath my feet is damp from the rain, mixed with wood-chips, pine needles and remnants of hours of fun.

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I reflect upon my morning hike and parallel that journey with life…

The trail started out smooth; a gradual incline.  A 1300 foot elevation gain by the time I would make it to my destination. But nothing I couldn’t handle.  I stopped along the way to take in the beautiful surroundings.  I continued on, only to find myself on a rocky trail.  I had to watch my step.  My journey was beginning to be more challenging.  As I was adjusting to the new terrain – I came to a roadblock.  The large oak had fallen to its death, blocking the trail I was on.

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I had to make a choice, so I could keep moving forward.  At this point, I needed to tap into my patience, my faith, and my perseverance so I could make it over this hurdle without getting hurt.  I could have taken the easy way and made a path  around it.  But I decided I needed to take some risks and with that, the possibility of being hurt.  I had to start breaking down those walls.  I slowly rolled over the massive log and touched ground on the other side.  Not as hard as I thought:)  As I moved on, the terrain became very rocky.  But as I continued to take baby steps and appreciate my surroundings – my journey became manageable.  I soon found myself walking on smooth ground.

In life, we find ourselves somewhere on this trail.  We are all there at some point in our life.  How we move forward is a choice only we can make.  If we take the time, to make a choice, to make a change – the trail smooths out.

Where are you on your journey?

Keep Hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

 

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Don’t Cage the Butterfly

The beautiful black and orange Monarch flutters by as I freely hike into the unknown.  He seems to be watching over me. Or maybe he’s enjoying the path I chose to take today.  He’s free to come and go as he likes.  I look at my life synonymous to the butterfly.  We all transform throughout our life.  We grow and become different people.  Some more colorful than others, but all out there trying to live their life they way they feel is best.  No one can take that away from them unless…  A little boy sees that beautiful butterfly flying around touching the reds, golds, and greens of the garden, cups his hands around the orange and black and puts the beauty in a jar to admire and watch.  Sadly his freedom is now taken away.  He can only flutter within the confines of the glass jar he was placed in; not by choice.

I find myself in that glass jar today and for a while maybe.   My freedom to roam the many trails just waiting for my footprints are no longer.  I’m trapped in the jar, looking out at all I am missing.  I have air holes.  I can breathe in the fresh air, but I can’t walk in it.  My fragile vertebrae, like the butterfly’s, have fused together.  As I sit here at my computer, the pain ripples up my spine.  My years of adventure and exploring have caught up to me.  The trails will not feel the life I bring, this year.  What are my options?  I feel as if my wings are about to fall off.  I can’t flutter anymore.  I have to look at my life through a different lens.  I won’t let the little boy keep me caged.  I will find a way to be on the trails again, to kayak down a river, to explore the unknown.  This butterfly has a lot more life to live.

My color will flourish.  I will shine again.  The lid will come off and I will fly.  The mountains will feel my footsteps again.

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

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A Love Lost… Where Did it Go??

The cool breeze trickles through my window, as I sit staring off into the night.   It is an abnormally 65 degrees on a Wednesday, in sunny Arizona.  I’m relishing in the cool soft breeze as I know this will be the last for awhile.  I understand why it’s going away.  The earth has rotated.  The sun is in the right place for summer to begin. It’s going to be hot; very hot, here in Arizona.  We won’t see the coolness of the night for a very long time.  But I know it will return, with the falling of the leaves.

What I don’t know and what I don’t understand is why people who say they love us so much, hurt us the most.  They say they need space and then they leave, for something far less than you.   The love they had for us got lost somewhere.  What does that mean???

I dry my eyes from the tears that I shed moments ago.  My children are hurting.  I want to fix their pain; I want to take it away.  But I can’t.

What do you tell your six foot three son who is cradled in your arms crying because the woman he loved so much cheated on him?  You let him cry and you listen.  Because you know what it’s like to go through that.  You’ve been there.  And as you cry with him, that old hurt and pain begins to surface as he tells you the lies she has deceived him with.  You’ve heard them all before and you know she isn’t going to come back but you can’t tell him that, not yet anyway.  He will figure it out in his own time.  I, as all mothers would do, will continue to be there for him.

My daughter, who has struggled through life, found a man that she could truly love with all her being. She smiled and laughed with genuine sincerity.  I was so thrilled that this wonderful man loved my daughter so much.  But the happiness that radiated from her may not return with the falling of the leaves.   He too, needs his space and may have fallen to someone far less than the amazing woman, I call my daughter.  Again, the same words, the same stories, the same lies.  “He says, he just wants to work it out, but he still loves me.”  As I nod my head whispering to myself, I know, I know.  She cries some more and just doesn’t know how she is going to live without him.

I reacted.  Only within the confines of my 4 walls.  I screamed and cursed the 3 of them.  Those hurt feelings came back so quickly.  Does anyone work on relationships anymore or do they just walk away and take the easy way out?  No one puts any effort into love and all that should come with it.  They just try on another shoe.  And even if it doesn’t fit so well and is a little tattered they try to make it fit, because now its too late  to  take back the one they ignored and shoved in the closet.  The one that shined when they were around.  The one that was true and loyal and would have never left.  We shouldn’t take on the victim role. Because really, we are not the victims.  They are victims of their own stupidity and poor choices.  We, (my children) will pick up the pieces and move on.  I’m hoping that my healing can be an example for them to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move forward.  I can only be there for them and continue to pray for the strength they will need to take the next step.

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

Lingering Thoughts

The cool breeze whispers

through the slightly open window.

The clouds are lingering

and the wind chime sings it’s sweet song.

Memories of you sneak into my thoughts

as they do from time to time:)

You gave me eyes to see.

I was blinded by my past.

and you opened my world… and I fell in.

 

We are on two separate paths you and I.

I, knowing where I’m going; YOU??

 

Our paths may never cross or meet again.

But you’ll always be able to find me in your words.;)

Kimberly Rae

 

Letting Them Go…

Losing friends through a difficult time in your life is never easy.  I know, I lost a few good friends along my healing journey.  I believe they just were not able to listen to my hurt and pain any longer.  They had to do what they needed to do to continue on their journey in life.  And that has to be okay.  We all need to take care of who we are.  I know it took me a long time to get over my past relationship.  But when you make that many memories with someone, it just doesn’t go away overnight.

I still miss them.  There are times I wish I could just call them up and share some of my exciting growth news since I am in a great place in my life. But I can’t and I won’t.  I respect their decision and what they had to do for themselves.   They did help me a lot, especially during some of my roughest hours.  They played a part in my healing and now I must let them go.

I am  on a new journey now and we will make new friends.    It’s all part of the growth that takes place as we move on with our life.   We have to let some things go in order to bring on the new.  For some, the journey has just begun.  Enjoy all that it brings:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Somewhere Over the Rainbow…

Somewhere over the rainbow…  I know it’s just a song, but how many of us grew up with the notion that dreams really do come true?   Yours truly:)  Yes, I know, I’m a hopeless romantic. I blame my parents, they made me watch the Wizard of Oz every year it came on.  My mother read me every fairytale.  I was in love with  princes.  They would always rescue me when my life got rough and I got scared.  My dreams saved me.  And then reality hit.  “What do you mean there aren’t any handsome princes????”  Who is going to save me???  Ahhh, the burning question.  The answer is, I have to save myself.  I  can’t  depend on someone else or a fictional dream. That has only confused my psyche on what is real and what is pretend.

In my last relationship, I always said he was my handsome prince.  He rescued me from my self-doubt, pity, you name it.  I fell in love deeply.  Like I did in my dreams.  I had my fairytale, so I thought.  Or was I just living in a false reality?

I find myself still sitting at the beginning of the rainbow.  I want a relationship, I think I’m ready for one, but nothing is happening.  I can’t seem to take a step.  A friend sent me the saying below and it gave me a jolt.  He is still on my mind.  Not on purpose.  I don’t want him to be.  I have moved on.  I go about my life doing many things.  So why is he still in the deep recesses of my thoughts??

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Is this why I can’t seem to get to the other side?  I think he will always  have a special place in my heart.  He was my prince after all:)  But I can go on.  I have gone on.  I don’t want him back.  The man he has become is not someone I would even entertain.    Maybe I’m afraid to see what is  on the other side of the rainbow.  I must be guarding my heart.  I have to take the armor off or I’ll never get to the other side.  Then I think, maybe I had my one chance at true love and that is all I get.   I guess I’ll never know until I tear the walls down and start journeying over that rainbow.  God has my back.  I do believe he has a great plan for me.  I secretly hope  someone to share my life with is part of the plan:):)

 

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true.”

I’ll keep you posted:):)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Living Your Life!

The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.
The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.

My summer adventures are in full swing.  I have to say, I live for these times when I can get out and explore the beauty in places you would never find unless you were to go off the beaten path.  I’ve always been one to take the road less traveled:)   I love meeting new people, finding new trails, and just the peacefulness that seems to surround my every day existence.

I just came back from Colorado as I mentioned in my earlier post.  I was reacquainted with a friend from high school; it was as if we had never been apart for 30 years.  I ventured out to places I hadn’t seen and to some I had been to before.

I was amazed at  how I was able to remember every little store, trail, road he and I had been on 4 years ago.  I realized that when you love someone that much those special moments are imprinted in your brain.  I am glad to have had that time with him and know that I truly did love at least once on my life; good memories to look back on from time to time.

I found my desire to move to Colorado only heightened while I was there.  I felt so at peace.  I have always visualized myself living there.  The pictures on my fridge tell that story.  Will I end up there?  I don’t know.  I’m continually drawn there; I’m not sure why.  I see many doors/paths in front of me.  I have many options, I’m just not sure which one to take.  So I ask God to help me.  I think it is pretty amazing that I have options; when just a few years ago I didn’t see any.

I love the hike.  I love  the smells of the wooded floor; the pine trees as they move with the wind; and the prairie grasses as they ripple like a calm ocean wave.  The feeling of being one with nature gives me a natural high that I cannot explain.

The journey I am on now is a good one:)  I feel at peace and confident in where I’m going.  I am creating new moments to cherish and remember; all by myself:)  I know who I am; and that is a huge accomplishment.

On to my next adventure… to be continued

Enjoy the pictures

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae                                                                    2013-06-26 08.40.00

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Journeys Through Life

Good morning fellow bloggers and readers.  

I am sitting here on the patio in the beautiful Colorado Rockies.  I realize I haven’t written in almost a month. A long time for me.  I look at it as a good thing and a bad.  I miss the writing and sharing with all of  you but my life has been so full of  great moments and opportunities that I havent had time to write; so that makes it a good  thing:)

My adventures for the summer are in full swing as I sit here in beautiful Colorado. (My favorite place to be)  I would love to live here and am contemplating a move here after I retire; which will be in the next year or two.  

Where I am  in my life represents all that I have been  through and how far I have come.  I am on a new journey now.  I am seeing some of the same places but without sadness.  I can picture myself with a  great man and when that person comes into my life I am ready to receive him; and NO, I have not met him yet:)

My life is full.  Full of great people that I choose to surround myself with.  Full of awesome adventures that take me  to places I’ve never been.  Full of new moments to add to my plethara of great memories, and full of life,  that is  worth living everyday.  No one can take any of that away from me.  

I have become a stronger and more confident woman.  I do not let fear control me.  I push through it and have faith I’ll come out where I am supposed to and I will learn from all  that is put in front of me. 

So, this empowered woman is  heading off for some more adventure in this beautiful state of Colorado. I will be blogging my way through my summer fun, (pictures included)

I am at peace with myself and my life.  It took some struggle and growing, but I did it!  

Where are you in your life’s journey???

Live life to the fullest and keep hiking to the top!!!

Kimberly Rae