A Recipe for Life

Is there a cookbook for life, for parenting, for relationships for tomorrow even??????  Some days I wish there was.  There are just not answers for all  that comes at us.  We have to figure it out ourselves; with God’s help of course:)

I am sitting here in my office, although  I’m not sure I can call it that anymore since my daughter has moved in with me.  The bed has taken over and my desk and chair space have gone to some other office that I am not privy to use.  I haven’t written in a month.  Well, I have written, just on paper.  I haven’t been able to get to my computer.  She has temporarily  come out of the space she calls her cocoon, thank God she has emerged.  SHE IS ALIVE!

So I am in here frantically writing while I have my computer back for a short time anyway.  Life is hard, I know it is, but when your children are suffering you want to help; you want to console them.  I have felt her pain and ache for her.  Her relationship has ended due to dishonesty and cheating.  She now understands what I went through and has apologized to me for her impatience while I was getting over the man I loved.  “It’s going to take time” I tell her, but she has to get up everyday, and make some attempt at living.  We are so opposite in that area.  I have always picked up the pieces and kept moving, slowly at times but moving.  I was excited today, when I saw the door open and a body make a presence in the living room.

My strength, has always been from God.  She doesn’t have him; she doesn’t believe or have faith in anything.  I pray for her everyday.  I don’t know what happened to her to lose her faith.  (prayers welcome here:)

I went to two funerals this week; celebrating their lives of course but sad to see them go.  The friends and family in attendance abounded.  Not that I was surprised by the many who came to remember them.  They were both amazing people and children of God.  I started thinking that maybe I wasn’t doing enough to help others.  I always thought I have touched lives in some way.  I have always put myself last and taken care of others.  So now during the past two years that I have taken time for myself, I seem to be losing friends.  I haven’t neglected others but I have taken back some of that time to work on myself.  Is that a bad thing?  I didn’t think so.  I have one true friend and many acquaintances.  I have to ask myself, is there something wrong with me?  I like who I am.  If they don’t like the new strong, self assured Kim, then I guess they can go on their way.  I’m not perfect. But I smile at those I don’t know.  I walk with a positive attitude, and do my best to walk in God’s light.  I guess if Jesus was persecuted and still stood strong, so can I:)  I know He’s got my back:)
So… there isn’t a cookbook for life.  We just have to make our own recipe’s. Because, the ones we create ourselves are usually the best anyway, right?

Tomorrow’s is, a whole lot of smiles and bunches of positive, and God’s grace all around:)
What’s your recipe?

Keep hiking to the top,

 

Kimberly Rae

 

 

Are Your Thoughts Controlling You?

The things we think are the things that free our souls.  If we think on pure and lovely things, we shall grow pure and lovely like them; and the converse is equally true. ~Hannah Whitall Smith~

Did you ever have one of those days where you just were not yourself?  If we’re lucky enough to know who that is:)  Why were you in that place?  What or who put you there and can anyone really put you in a place?  Yes, if you let them or the situation.  We all have choices.  Controlling or redirecting our feelings and emotions are not always easy.

So after a day of blah,  I decided to start taking notes.  What am I doing or who am I with, where am I at, when I am feeling really good.  And then again when I’m feeling low or not so great.

I have a recording app on my phone. I would record when I was feeling happy or sad and talk about where I was, who I was with and tried to find a pattern of why my moods would change from one to the other.  A great little experiment I’ll have you know.

I came to realize that it wasn’t so much about where I was or who I was with as it was my thoughts, a game (as I like to call it) playing in my mind.  Your thoughts can be very powerful and get you going on a path that you don’t want to be on.  Pretty soon you’re looking over the edge and you start falling into that deep, sad, blah kind of place.  And who do you have to blame?  Yourself!  You let your thoughts get away with you.  They will have their way if you let them.  They just kind of creep up on you  and infiltrate your mind like an army out of nowhere.  I often say to myself,  it’s the Devil trying to get to me.

I find that when I am alone at home, my thoughts are everywhere.  I even talk to myself sometimes.  (I don’t answer myself though) LOL.  When I start doing that then I’ll really be concerned.  So I know I have to keep busy.  I write, I read, I work out, and I will watch a movie to take my mind somewhere else.  I listen to music and dance.  I know if I just sit there, in the quiet, I know where my thoughts are going to take me and I don’t want to go there.  So I cut the cord so to speak, in my head and let those thoughts drift away into God‘s hands.  I have begun to train myself or my thoughts to do that when I know I am drifting.  It does help.

With school about to begin I will have less time for my thoughts to drift.  Although I do think it is important to have some quiet time to think and ponder on the things we should be focusing on.  🙂  We need time to process, find our center and know where we are in our life.

Don’t let your thoughts control you:)

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, — meditate on these things, ~Philippians 4:8 NKJV

 

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Tragedy’s in Life

“The roots of tragedy lie in the smallest acts.”    

 

   

I awoke this morning to a message from a friend I’ve known since 5th grade.  Sadly she lost her daughter yesterday to a senseless act.  Her daughter not much older than my own children was a beautiful young woman.  It is heartbreaking when our children have to go before us.  Unfortunately I do know a few who have lost children and have managed to go on with their life but not to the fullest extent. Can we ever really get over losing a child?  Until you have children of your own, I do not think you can fathom the impact it will have on you.

I cannot relate but can only be there for her as she goes through this awful tragedy.

I do think it is times like these that help us put our lives into perspective; it should anyway.

Are you living your life?  Or are you just sitting around making lists and not doing anything to get where you want to go.  Or are you riding on someone else’s coat tails until you get to a place where you can take off on your own?  Have you spent time with your children; quality time that is.  Have you told the important people in your life that you love them?  Have you shown them what they mean to you?  I   believe   one of the most important is forgiving those that have wronged you or hurt you.  I know this is hard for some.  But at the same time so very important.  As I’ve said many times, we cannot move forward with our lives until we do.

I called my kids today and told them how much they mean to me.  I am going to spend the day with them tomorrow.  It is harder as they get older to spend time with them.  They are busy starting their lives, so we as their parents need to make that extra effort to see them.

I am saddened by the message I received this morning.  My prayers are with my friend as she has a long road ahead of her.  I will be there for her to hold, comfort, or to just listen.  As the tears start to flow, I know Jess is in a great place with the Lord above; life goes on.

So… get off the couch, start checking off that list, and live your life!

May you all have a blessed day

Keep hiking  to the top,

Kimberly Rae

Treasure the One You’re With

Being that it is Valentines Day tomorrow I thought I would share this story with you.  I think we give up on relationships too easily these days.  Look at who you are with and really see them.  Greet them each day as if it were their last; and love them like no other.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

 

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS …

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It’s never too late.

Remember, It’s the journey that is the reward:)

Kimberly Rae

Cleaning Out Your Closet!

As we begin the new year we should take a look at our relationships; all of our relationships.  We want to start the new year on a positive note and proceed with the people who will help us get to where we want to go.  I call it, cleaning out my closet.

A question was presented to me today: “What is valuable about a good relationship?”  A very good questions and one we should all take time to ponder on.  Here is what  I  think is important.

Someone who:

Encourages you, motivates you, defends you, energizes you, accepts you, comforts you, loves you, forgives you, and is able to confront and warn you when you need adjusting.  (We all need adjusting now and then)

I know that may seem like a lot but think about those in your life that posses those qualities.  Would your friends say you do these things?

I would have to say that the person I was with possessed these qualities.  He wanted the best for me, I truly believe that.  I believe people come into our lives for a short season to help us see who we are and what our potential is.  We are not here to change or fix anyone.  That is God’s job.  He may put us in someone’s life to show them the way, but if we think we are going to fix them or change who they are, we are in denial of why God has put us in their life.

I live in the deserts of Arizona.  When you are hiking in the summer time, the possibilities of coming upon a rattle snake are quite high.  So you watch the trail carefully and listen for any movement.  We look out for each other.  We wouldn’t let any of our friends get bitten by the serpent.  So as you are walking along in life with the people you call friends, would they or you keep them from being bitten?

An unforgiving spirit is a very damaging emotion to our entire being.  Don’t rattle snake your life or someone elses.  If you haven’t forgiven, you can’t move on or be the best in any relationship.

Go forth this new year and…

* Go where you have never been

* Do what you’ve never done

* Give more than you’ve ever given (in any part of your life)

* Surrender what you have held very tightly

* Love those you have never loved

* Forgive those you have not forgiven

* Trust in God for all

* Do what he requires you to do because you may become what you have never been

Hike to the top and keep moving forward!

Happy New year to all!!

Kimberly Rae

Are You Just Existing?

I was having coffee with a new friend the other day.  She is having a difficult time this holiday season, so I just listened and let her pour her pain out; it flowed generously down the table, onto to the floor and into my heart; and you are thinking, does pain flow up?  Pain can flow any way it wants, as I’m sure most of you know. 

As the words painfully moved from her mouth, I realized, I had done and said all those same things.  And WHY?  For a moment I was mad at myself, but then knew, we all have to go through the crap to get to the other side.

I know it’s hard to believe people who say they know how you feel, especially when you’ve lost someone you loved so much, if they have never felt that pain.   If this is you now, I understand how you might feel so small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places you never thought you had.  It is undoubtably one of the worst feelings you can have.  It does get better.  You have to keep taking those steps even as small as they might be. 

It doesn’t matter how many make-overs you’ve had, or glasses of wine with a good friend, you keep going over in your head every detail and keep asking yourself what you did wrong.  And you  say to yourself, “How could I have thought that I was that happy?”   It has taken me a generous amount of time to come to that realization.  I had to fight for his attention. When what he was seeking was the attention of other women.  But you keep hoping beyond hope that he will come to his senses and walk through your door.  But we should all know that isn’t going to happen.  But that small hope of possibility keeps you going, but only in the wrong direction. 

Stop thinking there is something wrong with you.  Don’t punish yourself for their screwed up reality.  They let go of something fantastic and that was you. 

After all of that, you will meet new people, find your soul again, and even maybe, hopefully, find YOU!

As wonderful as my  life is now, I do long for those words, “I LOVE YOU” from a man who can unconditionally love me.  The opportunity will present itself one day.  I know God is looking out for me.  Until then, I continue to be happy with my life. 

Don’t let that mountain in front of you keep you from hiking to the top.  It isn’t as daunting as you think.  

Don’t just exist. Celebrate being alive.  You have a life to start living.  I sure am living  mine:)

Keep moving forward,

Kimberly Rae