It’s a Guy Thing?

To all my followers and blogging friends out there, I find myself in a bit of a quandary.  Not sure quandary is the right word, but it works for now.

I have put myself back out into dating world.  Not that I’m out there looking, I just know I’m ready if someone should find me:)  What I am finding is that only older men are attracted to me.  Men too old for me.  All very nice and I have enjoyed conversing with them, but then they want more and well, I don’t.  There just isn’t anything there.  If they just wanted to be friends, I would be fine with that.  There has to be a spark; something that warrants more interest or pursuit.

So last weekend as I was hiking with a group I go with, the older man of the group of course attaches himself to me.  He stays by me the entire 9 miles in the canyon.  We had a great conversation, I enjoyed his company, but that is as far as it goes for me. He continued to hit on me even after the hike and has invited me on a few others through the meet-up group.  So now I have signed up for a big hike this Sunday and he is now going.  I am not comfortable.  I feel like I have to avoid what I want to do because he isn’t giving up on me.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings.  What do I do????

Now, on the other hand I managed to talk with a few other men, more my age (and who I wouldn’t mind getting to know.) As we hiked along the rugged trail, I found  out they had girlfriends and other things about them that led to some great conversation.    So I asked them why their girlfriends were not out here with them.  They said this wasn’t their thing.  I responded with “Yeah, but it’s your thing and something you like to do all the time. Doesn’t that get in the way of your relationship?”  They replied with, “We have to make it work, or else we will be alone.”  Then they asked me where my significant other was, I told them he hadn’t found me yet.  LOL.  I said I wasn’t going to settle.  That who ever I find or who finds me will have to enjoy the outdoors as much as me. This is where I spend a good deal of my time. Am I wrong in my thinking here?   They asked me if I liked being alone.  I chuckled as I responded, “I’m not alone. and you wouldn’t be either.”  Why don’t they see this?  These are intelligent men I am talking to here.  Do they really think they need a woman to complete them?  To me that is a form of insecurity.  Again, CONFUSED!

So, is this just a guy thing It seems to me that guys settle because they don’t know how to be on their own.  I am not including all men in that assumption, but the ones I’ve met seem to follow it.  Why is that?  I don’t understand.  I agree you have to work on any relationship, but make it work?  NO.  If you have to make something work, that’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  It isn’t going to happen unless you shave off some of the corners and push it through.  Then what do you have?  A lost identity. It wasn’t the right fit to begin with.  I would rather be where I am at now, knowing who I am and enjoying my life, than not sure who I am and settling for someone who is just OK.

I want to naturally fit with someone.  I had it once.  I hope I can find it again.  God has someone for me.   I am being very patient and enjoying the journey:)

Any feedback or suggestions welcome!!

Keep hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

hiking supes

Trusting Again

“You may be deceived if you trust too much but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough” ~Frank Crane~

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I sit here perched high upon a desert rock, admiring the majestic mountain I have climbed many times.  It is one of the most beautiful formations that God has created.  This mountain, along with many others, was my savior as I was healing.

I am resting upon another vista today; having a little one-on-one time with God.

As I have moved past the hurt and pain, I find I am struggling to find a balance in the area of trust. It has been my pattern to trust too much and therefore, I have been deceived many times.  My trusting nature is often times taken advantage of.  I mean really, who wants to experience the pain of being deceived over and over?  Certainly not me.  I’m not sure If I could go through that again; or that I would want to.  So, there in lies the question: Do I continue to trust as I always have, or do I look at anyone new I meet with a questionable eye?

The latter really isn’t who I am, but I find that my red flag awareness is heightened after what I have been through.  I interrupt actions too deeply and feel as If I am being deceived; when maybe I am not.

I need to find my center here; a happy medium, if you will.  I trust God implicitly.  So I trust he will guide me on this journey.

From my experience, the worst deception is to deny what is going on around you or pretend that you’re okay. We can deceive ourselves so well that we really believe we are doing okay. When in reality, we are just existing.   Are any of you in that place?

The wind is picking up as it attempts to penetrate my many layers of clothing.  It is 39 degrees and holding.  But the air is crisp and the silence is golden.  Thank you Fr_ _ _for showing me how to take the time to be one with nature and with God.

I slowly stand and admire my view as I begin to make my decent.  Life in the desert can be pretty spectacular!

My keen sense of awareness may be heightened, but I choose to continue to trust all that I meet.  It is who I am.  God will handle the rest:)

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

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