The Red Shoes

The full moon Shone brightly as it illuminated the outdoor Gathering of her classmates from 40 years ago.

 Her anticipation of the evening to come held many surprises.  Prior to this moment she thought about nothing but the excitement of seeing old friends and classmates; reconnecting and just enjoying herself.

The thought of possibly meeting someone was a distant feeling but surfaced now and then.

She busied herself with the planning of the event not thinking of what she would wear until… A picture of red shoes appeared out of nowhere on her phone.  “My Cinderella shoes,” she whispered to herself. She knew these were HER glass slippers.

As she slid her smooth manicured foot into the red velvet booty, she felt magical… Her intuition led her to believe she would connect with someone this evening. When in reality, she had already made the connection… 40 years ago, 10 years ago, and a week ago . The seeds had been planted.  She just didn’t know it.

As she walked onto the moonlit patio, her eyes roamed. There he was, the man she had been casually speaking with the week prior. Their eyes met briefly. She felt drawn to him. But kept her distance. She made casual conversation as she mingled around… but the red shoes kept moving her in his direction. The overwhelming desire to just talk and talk with him was intense… but the jagged edges of betrayal left a very deep scar. She was afraid. God  was answering her prayer, and pointing her in the right direction, but her fears took over. She left that evening hugging him goodbye and wishing him well. 

She went back to her room, took off the red shoes and knelt down and prayed. She prayed for guidance. She prayed for God to take away her fears because if he was the one she didn’t want to lose him.   

…And she didn’t 

Yes, this is me. This all began back in October of this year. I’m writing this because I have been blogging for over five years, when my past relationship ended. The scars that it left were very deep. I always wondered and prayed if I would ever meet someone that I could share my life with… not settle for…but with a man I  was so in sync with and connected to,  that we just fit.  

I waited for over five years for God to answer my prayer. I always had faith that he had that someone special for me and he would appear when I least expected it. I needed that time to grow and find myself; to become confident in the woman I am today so that I could receive the person that God had for me. I’m so thankful that I waited and that I continued to have faith and just let God lead us to each other.  And now… I couldn’t be happier. I’m so thankful and so blessed to have this wonderful man in my life.  

It does happen, you just have to believe and have faithūüėä

Thank you Lord for giving me my grown-up Christmas wish ūüėČ ūüėČ
Merry Christmas to all of you. Don’t ever give up believing ūüôā

Kimberly Rae

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The Handkerchief

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The handkerchief symbolizes a time that no longer exists. A simpler time. A time where commitment was just natural. A period of time¬†when you worked things out, when you communicated, when you were there for each other. ¬†A time, when the tears began to flow, that special person would hand you their handkerchief to blot your eyes from the tears that would not stop streaming down your face. It represented compassion and caring and “I’m here for you.”

Something as simple as a handkerchief could say so much… ¬†as in, ¬†“I LOVE YOU”

Where is the handkerchief today??

I don’t want the text or the email. I want the hand attached to the handkerchief, looking at me face to face wiping my tears if need be, and reassuring me it’s going to be alright. I want to see the compassion, the love and the caring in someone’s eyes, not ¬†words in an email; they have no voice.

Bring back the handkerchief¬†because the world is becoming a lonely place without it ūüôā

Living life!!

Kimberly Rae

Single… Why????

Why are so many of us still single? It doesn’t matter how old we are, how many times you have been married, we are single right now in this moment.  In my experience,  from people I have known and what has been done to me… I feel that people are not able to commit fully to one human being. They seem to have one foot in the relationship and one foot out. Because you know just maybe there could be somebody that might come along that appears to have greener grass than what you have in front of you. Really?? How about watering the grass that’s right in front of you.  how about nurturing that so that it can become all you  wanted it to be or could even imagine. When you can’t fully commit or work on the relationship that you’re in, then really is it going to go anywhere? I say no, it will eventually fizzle out.  one of you will end up cheating on the other, I know that all too well. I think it’s hard to find 2 people fully committed in a relationship. One usually is and the other is kinda halfway there,  as the other foot is dangling outside of the relationship.

Relationships take work. Whether you’re married or not, you are in a relationship with someone. You don’t have to be living with them but if you are dating and if you’ve dated for quite a while you are in a committed relationship. Sneaking around talking to other women on an intimate level is not being fully committed. If you can’t be that with the person you are with… then stop and think… reflect. am I in the right relationship?  How do I really feel about this person?   Or, what can I do to make this better?  I see so many relationships just thrown away because one or both people don’t want to take the time to work on it, to talk,  communicate.

I realize when you have been married to someone for a very long time or just even in a relationship with someone for a very long time, things can get stagnant. You get into a routine you do the same things all the time… that is when you need to change things up. You have to be able to recognize when your relationship is in that place. So change it up, go eat somewhere different, take a weekend road trip, do something you haven’t done in a long time.  think about what you did when you first met.  what made you happy, what was exciting. Bring more passion back into the bedroom. There are so many things you can do without dissolving the relationship, before you start  cheating on your partner that you supposedly still love but but yet you are looking for some other kind of excitement to keep you going. Find the excitement with the person you’re with now. And sometimes yes, relationships need to end but I still think as a society we do not put enough time and effort into the person that we are with. We let it go.  We just say, “oh there’s gotta be something better out there.”  Take the time working with what is right in front of you, because the grass is only greener where you water it. 

Don’t be the sprinkler that is watering a bunch of different plants. Be the hose that’s directly on the one in front of you,  and grow together :))

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

A Love Lost… Where Did it Go??

The cool breeze trickles through my window, as I sit staring off into the night. ¬† It is an abnormally 65 degrees on a Wednesday, in sunny Arizona. ¬†I’m relishing in the cool soft breeze as I know this will be the last for awhile. ¬†I understand why it’s going away. ¬†The earth has rotated. ¬†The sun is in the right place for summer to begin. It’s going to be hot; very hot, here in Arizona. ¬†We won’t see the coolness of the night for a very long time. ¬†But I know it will return, with the falling of the leaves.

What I don’t know and what I don’t understand is why people who say they love us so much, hurt us the most. ¬†They say they need space and then they leave, for something far less than you. ¬† The love they had for us got lost somewhere. ¬†What does that mean???

I dry my eyes from the tears that I shed moments ago. ¬†My children are hurting. ¬†I want to fix their pain; I want to take it away. ¬†But I can’t.

What do you tell your six foot three son who is cradled in your arms crying because the woman he loved so much cheated on him? ¬†You let him cry and you listen. ¬†Because you know what it’s like to go through that. ¬†You’ve been there. ¬†And as you cry with him, that old hurt and pain begins to surface as he tells you the lies she has deceived him with. ¬†You’ve heard them all before and you know she isn’t going to come back but you can’t tell him that, not yet anyway. ¬†He will figure it out in his own time. ¬†I, as all mothers would do, will continue to be there for him.

My daughter, who has struggled through life, found a man that she could truly love with all her being. She smiled and laughed with genuine sincerity. ¬†I was so thrilled that this wonderful man loved my daughter so much. ¬†But the happiness that radiated from her may not return with the falling of the leaves. ¬† He too, needs his space and may have fallen to someone far less than the amazing woman, I call my daughter. ¬†Again, the same words, the same stories, the same lies. ¬†“He says, he just wants to work it out, but he still loves me.” ¬†As I nod my head whispering to myself, I know, I know. ¬†She cries some more and just doesn’t know how she is going to live without him.

I reacted. ¬†Only within the confines of my 4 walls. ¬†I screamed and cursed the 3 of them. ¬†Those hurt feelings came back so quickly. ¬†Does anyone work on relationships anymore or do they just walk away and take the easy way out? ¬†No one puts any effort into love and all that should come with it. ¬†They just try on another shoe. ¬†And even if it doesn’t fit so well and is a little tattered they try to make it fit, because now its too late ¬†to ¬†take back the one they ignored and shoved in the closet. ¬†The one that shined when they were around. ¬†The one that was true and loyal and would have never left. ¬†We shouldn’t take on the victim role. Because really, we are not the victims. ¬†They are victims of their own stupidity and poor choices. ¬†We, (my children) will pick up the pieces and move on. ¬†I’m hoping that my healing can be an example for them to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move forward. ¬†I can only be there for them and continue to pray for the strength they will need to take the next step.

 

As always, keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

 

 

 

 

Living Your Life!

The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.
The beauty of the Colorado Mountains.

My summer adventures are in full swing. ¬†I have to say, I live for these times when I can get out and explore the beauty in places you would never find unless you were to go off the beaten path. ¬†I’ve always been one to take the road less traveled:) ¬† I love meeting new people, finding new trails, and just the peacefulness that seems to surround my every day existence.

I just came back from Colorado as I mentioned in my earlier post. ¬†I was reacquainted with a friend from high school; it was as if we had never been apart for 30 years. ¬†I ventured out to places I hadn’t seen and to some I had been to before.

I was amazed at  how I was able to remember every little store, trail, road he and I had been on 4 years ago.  I realized that when you love someone that much those special moments are imprinted in your brain.  I am glad to have had that time with him and know that I truly did love at least once on my life; good memories to look back on from time to time.

I found my desire to move to Colorado only heightened while I was there. ¬†I felt so at peace. ¬†I have always visualized myself living there. ¬†The pictures on my fridge tell that story. ¬†Will I end up there? ¬†I don’t know. ¬†I’m continually drawn there; I’m not sure why. ¬†I see many doors/paths in front of me. ¬†I have many options, I’m just not sure which one to take. ¬†So I ask God to help me. ¬†I think it is pretty amazing that I have options; when just a few years ago I didn’t see any.

I love the hike.  I love  the smells of the wooded floor; the pine trees as they move with the wind; and the prairie grasses as they ripple like a calm ocean wave.  The feeling of being one with nature gives me a natural high that I cannot explain.

The journey I am on now is a good one:) ¬†I feel at peace and confident in where I’m going. ¬†I am creating new moments to cherish and remember; all by myself:) ¬†I know who I am; and that is a huge accomplishment.

On to my next adventure… to be continued

Enjoy the pictures

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae                                                                    2013-06-26 08.40.00

2013-06-23 12.34.58 2013-06-23 13.51.14 2013-06-23 14.10.30 2013-06-26 08.22.57 2013-06-26 08.36.46

It’s a Guy Thing?

To all my followers and blogging friends out there, I find myself in a bit of a quandary.  Not sure quandary is the right word, but it works for now.

I have put myself back out into dating world.¬† Not that I’m out there looking, I just know I’m ready if someone should find me:)¬† What I am finding is that only older men are attracted¬†to me.¬† Men¬†too old for me.¬† All very nice and I have enjoyed conversing with them, but then they want more and well, I don’t.¬† There just isn’t anything there.¬† If they just wanted to be friends, I would be fine with that.¬† There has to be a spark; something that warrants¬†more interest or pursuit.

So last weekend as I was hiking¬†with a group I go with, the older man of the group of course attaches himself to me.¬† He stays by me the entire 9 miles in the canyon.¬† We had a great conversation, I enjoyed his company, but that is as¬†far as it goes for me.¬†He continued to hit on me even after the hike and has invited me on a few others through the meet-up group.¬† So now I have signed up for a big hike this Sunday and he is now going.¬† I am not comfortable.¬† I feel like I have to avoid what I want to do because he isn’t giving up on me.¬† I don’t want to hurt his feelings.¬† What do I do????

Now, on the other hand¬†I managed to talk with a few other men, more my age (and who I wouldn’t mind getting to know.) As we hiked along the rugged trail, I found¬† out they had girlfriends and other things about them that led to some great conversation.¬†¬†¬† So I asked them why their girlfriends were not out here with them.¬† They said this wasn’t their thing.¬† I responded with “Yeah, but it’s your thing and something you like to do all the time. Doesn’t that get in the way of your relationship?”¬† They replied with, “We have to make it work, or else we will be alone.”¬† Then they asked me where my significant other was, I told them he hadn’t found me yet.¬† LOL.¬† I said I wasn’t going to settle.¬† That who ever I find or who finds me will have to enjoy the outdoors as much as¬†me. This is where I spend a good deal of my time. Am I wrong in my thinking here? ¬† They asked me if I liked being alone.¬† I chuckled as I responded, “I’m not alone. and you wouldn’t be either.”¬† Why don’t they see this?¬† These are intelligent men I am talking to here.¬† Do they really think they need a woman to complete them?¬† To me that is a form of insecurity.¬† Again, CONFUSED!

So, is this just a guy thing.¬† It seems to me that guys settle because they don’t know how to be on their own.¬† I am not including all men in that assumption, but the ones I’ve met seem to follow it.¬† Why is that?¬† I don’t understand.¬† I agree you have to work on any relationship, but make it work?¬† NO.¬† If you have to make something work, that’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.¬† It isn’t going to happen unless you shave off some of the corners and push it through.¬† Then what do you have?¬† A lost identity.¬†It wasn’t the right fit to begin with.¬† I would rather be where I am at now, knowing who I am and¬†enjoying my life, than not sure who I am and settling for someone who is just OK.

I want to naturally fit with someone.  I had it once.  I hope I can find it again.  God has someone for me.   I am being very patient and enjoying the journey:)

Any feedback or suggestions welcome!!

Keep hiking to the top!!

Kimberly Rae

hiking supes

Anxiety… A Faith Battle

We are all anxious from time to time. When something devastating happens we become worried about the outcome; those are situational moments and they do not consume our everyday existence.

When we let ANXIETY consume our daily lives, it has many effects on us that keep us from really living our lives. Let me share a few with you:
* It is a distraction
* You cannot focus
* It slows you down
* It affects your personal relationships
* It is a waste of time
* It leads to unwise decisions especially in relationships
* It takes away your joy and peace

I battled with anxiety over the past year and a half. I knew I hadn’t dealt with it because I kept talking about my situation over and over. I didn’t feel the joy and peace in my life on a daily basis. Although I didn’t rush into another relationship (like many do) I still wasn’t living my life fully.

Why do we give in to our Anxiety?

There are ways to deal with our anxiety. For some, taking a pill to make it all go away seems to be the answer; when in fact we are just masking the real problem. We make excuses and we continue to nurture the anxiety that has taken over our life. WHY?
Don’t deepin what your already into; don’t violate your conscience; don’t “what if” your past. Take the time to deal with your anxiety. It takes courage and faith.

I saw what it was doing to my life. I let certain people and situations affect me, which led to more anxiety. When it got down to the acid test of survival, I knew I had to bring it to God.

ANXIETY IS A FAITH BATTLE!

Since then, my decisions in dealing with life and what has been put in front of me are in God’s hands. My choices and the actions I have taken, especially in the past few weeks, have been at the hand of God. I have let go of all my anxiety. The action I took this week has brought only peace and joy to my life. That chapter in my life has now closed. I lost a few friends along the way, but I know in my heart my actions were genuine and guided by God.

We all have emotions. We can trigger the anger or the kindness. Which one do you choose?
If you want to start living in life, you need to let it go. It really does keep you from moving forward.

I leave you with 2 scriptures that have helped me: Philippians, 4:4-7, and Acts, 18:9-10

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae