A Well Ironed Pillow Case

What  does that title have to do with life in general you ask?  It’s just a place I’m in today.  A mixture of feelings and emotions coming from different places and direction.  I don’t hide my feelings/emotions.  I blog about them to show you we are all human.  When we repress those feelings/thoughts, etc… we stifle our growth and ability to change and move on with our life.  So… I express them to you and myself and I take ownership for all of it.  I deal with it and try to understand it, so I can keep moving forward:)

When I was younger, my step-mother would always iron her pillowcases.  Everything had a crisp crease, even the hand towels.  Coming from a home where I lived with my mother with very little (I’m not complaining just stating) an ironed pillowcase to sleep on made me feel like a princess.  I felt luxurious.  The smell of the pink, embroidered pillow case led me to a deep sleep of wondrous dreams.  Kind of where I wanted to be today.  So… I ironed my pillowcases.  It gave me time to process my thoughts and feelings that were dominating my existence this morning.  I managed to iron 6 before reality hit and I decided It was time to stop.  But hey,  tonight will be great right?

So… what brought me to ironing 6 pillowcases?????

I have worked hard on moving forward with my life after my ex left me. I have done my best to stay away from anything he might do or where he might be.   And I am proud of how far I have come.  But when you both have so many similar interest, you are bound to cross paths.  I have many social media accounts and I follow a lot of the same people, books, authors, you name it, as he does, because we are a lot alike that way.  His name came up a few times today as I was on my twitter account.  I find it hard going to my Twitter or LinkedIn accounts because, SHE, the other woman, checks me out often and I have to see her face when I open my page.  Not fun.  His name comes up to connect and I have to see his face as well.  With the way social media works today, it is hard to avoid those you wish not to see or hear from.  Social media is actually how I found out he was cheating.  So really, you can’t hide anymore or even go under the radar.  Someone will always find you.

I still feel very connected to him.  I feel his pain and unsettledness. (is that a word? It works for me.)   My dreams at times are about him and his struggles.  I’ve woken up crying because I feel he is going through something that he is having difficulty handling. I can’t explain this and some of you might not believe it, but it is so real.   I had a shaman tell me a few months ago, that there was a lot of energy between he and I.  We are soul mates and will always be connected.  He is repressing it, I am not.  So she says.  I don’t know why.  I don’t ask for it or want it.  I pray to God and ask him  to take that away, but it doesn’t leave me.  So I have to ask myself, are we supposed to be connected for a reason?  It’s that little piece that haunts me in a way. I send him positive energies and  I always pray for him and wish him well.

I always keep it real.  I don’t pretend that my life is perfect.  My faith is strong and that is what keeps me going:)

I feel so much better after writing and sharing this with you.  Thank you for reading and listening:)

I think I will feel like a princess tonight on my well ironed pillowcase:)

Keep hiking to the top,

Kimberly Rae

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Apology

As I re read my blog from yesterday on Social Media, I realized I needed to apologize to my readers.  As this a form of social media I felt like my comments about my Ex’s girlfriend and what she did to me was a bit harsh.  My intention was to show how social media can be hurtful.  I didn’t want my tone to be negative, angry, or hurtful towards anyone.  I’m not here to slam anyone or put them down.  I can’t explain her actions or his.  But I can keep them in my prayers.  I don’t harbor any ill feelings for either of them.  They have their life and I have mine.  And I’m kind of liking my life:)  We all stumble and fall in plain sight for God to see.  But if we let him, he will pick us right back up and show us the way.

May you all have a blessed Sunday!

Kimberly Rae

Social Media???

How do you view social media?  Is it a good thing or not?  I think we have arrived at a point where we can’t live without it, but what has it done to us as a society, as individuals, and to our relationships?  Do we talk face to face anymore?  How many of us have been misunderstood through a text? because we can’t hear the tone in the others voice or we misread the tone and now we are hurt and embarrassed because we responded inappropriately.  I could go on, you all know what it’s like; we’ve all been there.

I have mixed feelings.  I use social media.  I have a web site, a blog, a twitter account, Google plus account, a Facebook account, and more. They have helped me get my word out, to voice my views on education, and just to keep up with all my friends.  But with all that comes very little privacy.  Just about anyone can find me, read up on me and even stalk me.  (Which has happened)  But do I give it up.  NO

It has also hurt me.  Due to the numerous ways to communicate incognito, I had no idea that the person in my last relationship was secretly communicating with someone else.  He had another phone number, and another email address.  So I trusted him because he would leave everything up on our joint computer and I certainly didn’t see anything to cause alarm until he accidentally left the email account up I didn’t know about.  BUSTED!  and hurt:(  After he left with the other woman, she would anonymously send messages on my phone and to my Facebook page just to hurt me and to let me know that HE was hers.  Like that didn’t hurt?  So then you try to unfriend all those people you are connected to so you don’t have to see all of their SH%* because you are trying to move away from your past life with someone you thought you could trust.  PHEWWWW!  That’s a lot of work.  And look how much stress it can cause you.  It certainly has caused me a lot.

Just a few days ago I posted about the message that came across my phone that hurt me again.  WHY?  We don’t face our nemesis we hide behind social media.  I would really like for her to tell me face to face all the crap she has sent me over the past year and half.  I, however, have never sent a word to her.  The hurtful things she has sent my way don’t deserve a response; or my time or energy.  I’m not saying that I haven’t been hurt, enraged, or reacted from them.  But she doesn’t know that.  I’m mad at myself for letting this last one get to me.  I think it was just part of the crappy day I was having.

So I choose to use social media in a positive way.  When I’m out with someone, I am not texting someone else or that person.  I like the face to face conversation with another human being.  I won’t use it to hurt someone else or to spy on them.  There should be social media etiquette.  And maybe there is an unwritten one.  Not sure many use it.  Just saying.

I use it to empower, enlighten, and to encourage others.

So… how does social media play a role in your life?  Think about the next time you are out.  How many times do you look at your phone or message someone while you are with someone else.  How many people are you checking out, spying on or sending nasty anonymous messages to?   Something to think about:)  How many of you are hiding behind the mask of social media?  Don’t be afraid to be who you are; FACE TO FACE!

Keep hiking to the top!

Kimberly Rae

 

Thanks to my friend for giving me the idea for this post:)